Moments In Time - Part 2, Season 5
by AliyahNCIS
Summary: An AU look at the series. What if Tony and Ziva were married starting in S4 and managed to keep it a secret? How different might things look from a new perspective? Please read Part 1 first, as this will make more sense than if you start here.
1. 5x1 Bury Your Dead

_A/N: Here it is, Chapter 1 of Part 2. I hope it was worth the wait and the build up. Just a head's up about this part - somewhere in the first half of the season, the episodes stopped speaking to me. And as much as I had planned to write a chapter for every episode, I really can't force the inspiration. So we skip six episodes in the middle part of the season, but get all the first ones and all the last ones. I'm writing Judgement Day right now so updates should be able to continue every other day, with the exception of Chapter 2 which won't be going up until Friday. Thanks again for everything guys, I absolutely love being able to share this story with you. That you guys want to read it means everything to me. Enjoy! ~Aliyah_

By the time morning came and Tony was still unreachable, Ziva was tired of waiting. She drove to NCIS, planning to use what she remembered from McGee's tutorial to at least pinpoint her husband's location from his cell phone. But to her surprised she wasn't the only team member there. Ziva quickly saw through McGee's lie about fragging his computers and settled at her desk. "Have you heard from Tony?"

McGee looked up. "Why are you worried about Tony?"

She fiddled with a pencil. "Well, he was supposed to meet us at the bar last night, but he never arrived and he did not call." Ziva sighed. "He is not answering his phone." Then she glanced at Gibbs' desk and frowned. "Gibbs was here all night too?" The riled former assassin advanced on the nervous probie. "Are we a team McGee?"

Gibbs breezed around the corner. "At ease Officer David."

Ziva crossed her arms. "Teams do not have secrets Gibbs." She ignored the subtle reminder from her conscience that she and Tony were indeed hiding a rather large secret.

Gibbs ignored her for several moments but finally began to fill her in on what he and McGee had been learning overnight. Then Director Shepard appeared and asked McGee to track a cell number, then quickly explained that the woman Tony was seeing was La Grenouille's daughter. Gibbs made his displeasure at being left out of the loop very clear and Jenny told them about the prearranged signal and the possibility that Tony's cover had been blown.

Panic crowded Ziva's throat and didn't lessen as they made their way to MTAC where everything was being tranferred. His choice of voicemail message amused her, but the next moment Ziva's world stopped turning and a gasp escaped as they all watched Tony's green mustang disappear in a cloud of orange fire. She was frozen to the spot, unable to move a muscle until Gibbs ordered them to gear up. Jenny insisted she was coming too and they moved downstairs on autopilot.

At the crime scene everything felt like it was going in slow motion. They just stood there, taking in the destruction. Hardly anything was left of the car except a blackened frame and a charred body in the driver's seat. Ziva worked hard not to look at it, loss and emptiness taking up residence in her soul. Neither she nor McGee budged from their places until Gibbs yelled at them. How could he treat this like just another case? How could he not care at all about a loss of this magnitude?

Under orders Ziva began taking pictures, still avoiding putting the body in her line of vision. She felt no relief at all when Ducky announced that death would've been instantaneous. If only her suffering could be over so swiftly. The Israeli fought back any show of emotion, keeping the secret because that was how they'd wanted it. Her whole life was over the instant the car blew up with her husband inside, but no one knew and she would take that truth to her grave after she hunted down and dealt with the person who had taken everything from her.

As they began their investigation, McGee looked over at her and swallowed. "You believe in miracles Ziva?"

She should've tried to offer some form of comfort to the man who had been like a brother to Tony, but selfishly she clung to her grief, knowing she had a right to it far greater than any of them. Ziva squatted down. "Not part of my training." But she would give anything for one right now. A glint caught her eye and she reached into the wreckage to pull out a badge.

"It might not be Tony," the probie insisted, not ready to give up yet.

Ziva looked away, holding out the badge so he could see. Then she wiped away the grime and tried not to cry as she slipped the black band across the front and silently slipped the memento in her pocket. She deserved something to hold onto.

**NCIS**

Back at the office McGee was watching the explosion of Tony's car on the plasma, rewinding and playing it again and again. Ziva sat at her desk, head in her hands. "Must you keep doing that?" she asked listlessly. She didn't need to see it over and over to know it was real. Her heart felt dead and hung heavy like a lump of lead in her chest. Nothing mattered anymore. Ziva's brow furrowed as she tried to replay the final moments she'd spent with Tony the previous night before going to meet their team at the bar. Did she say 'I love you'? Or was she frustrated by his need to confess everything to Jeanne before he joined them? She couldn't remember and it was eating her up inside. What was the last memory she left her husband with?

McGee interrupted her tormented thoughts. "I'm just checking something Gibbs said. Tony wouldn't've carried it with him, you know?" She stared forlornly across the bullpen with tears in her eyes. "His shield and ID, not if he was undercover. He would've stashed it in the car, maybe under the seat. Just because we found his ID doesn't mean it's Tony."

There was no room for hope in Ziva's reality and her voice was utterly defeated as she stated the facts. "His car, his ID, his weapon, both of his cellphones McGee." She chuckled, feeling as if she might burst into tears at any moment. He didn't answer and Ziva finally turned to see what he was looking at. She stood, pushing back the grief threatening to drown her and got back to business. There was no time to wallow in her loss when whoever did this was still out there. "What was it Gibbs said that you thought needed checking?"

Tim stared at her. "He thought Tony might be following someone."

**NCIS**

They'd just shared their findings with Gibbs when Ducky appeared in the squadroom and contradicted their conclusion about Tony possibly following La Grenouille. "Tony contracted pneumonic plague, as I'm sure everyone can remember."

Ziva shook her head. "Before my time." Tony had never told her that particular story, but she'd heard bits and pieces from various people and had occasionally comforted her husband when he woke from nightmares about drowning in his own body.

"He almost died," McGee informed her.

"Yes, from severe pneumonia," Ducky continued. "As a result, his lungs would've been extensively scarred. Unlike the almost pristine lung of the man currently in Autopsy. The body on which I am performing an autopsy is not Tony's."

McGee smiled instantly, but Ziva was afraid to believe the ME's words, even though her own lips lifted in reflex to the news. Was it possible they were not over yet? That they could have another chance? She hoped for that with everything she was. Then concern flared when Gibbs asked where Tony was, because Ziva knew he would never let her believe a truth this jagged if he had a choice.

Kort showed up not long after the revelation to make empty threats and accuse them of interfering. He was like a parasite and Ziva just wanted him to go away. As he headed out the elevator doors slid open to reveal Tony. He looked a little worn but otherwise seemed fine. Ziva felt like she was seeing a ghost. Tony laughed at the CIA agent and pointed a finger. "Hey, my car blew up this morning. Did you do that?"

Trent lunged at the senior field agent and pushed him against the wall. "Where did you go with La Grenouille?"

Tony merely glanced to the side where Gibbs, Ziva and McGee had guns trained on him. Ziva smiled a little, she would like nothing better than to shoot the horrible man, if only he would give her a reason. Kort backed off and Tony straightened his suit. "Actually, he prefers Rene. Arms dealers, they're very touchy about their code names. The team slowly lowered and reholstered their guns. "The Frog has a kind of slimy overtone to it. Maybe you should keep it in mind for next time, you could use it yourself."

Kort glared. "We will find him DiNozzo."

He stared back. "Happy frog hunting." Then Tony turned and grinned at his team. "What, no balloons?"

Ziva would've liked nothing more than to throw herself at her husband, put her arms around him and never let go. By the way he looked at her, Tony knew, but his presence was demanded in Jenny's office for a debrief and Ziva watched him go, feeling like she could breathe for the first time since that morning.

**NCIS**

When he returned downstairs, the first thing Tony did was smack McGee. He frowned. "What was that for?"

Tony sat down at his desk. "Believing I was dead."

McGee hurried to defend himself. "Hey, I never believed you were dead. It was Ziva who gave up on you."

Ziva immediately punched him in the arm. Tony wasn't surprised by the news but it still hurt to hear. He didn't blame her, if situations were reversed, he would've taken what he saw at face value. He looked up at his wife and she pointed. "Do not even think about the headslap." McGee moved out of range and Ziva leaned forward. "You seem anxious."

He swallowed. "I'm fine." But Tony didn't look away and his eyes told her a different story.

"She knows?" Ziva guessed, wishing he could be relieved instead of burdened.

Tony's expression grew pensive as he remembered. "She knows."

Ziva pushed her hair over her shoulder. "What are you going to do?"

The phrase that jumped to the forefront of his mind went something along the lines of, _I'm going to go home and make love to you and try to pretend these last six months never happened_, but then Abby came running in to hug him and the moment was lost.

"Tony! I knew you'd be alright, I knew it! Everyone else gave you up for dead, even Ziva."

She knew when she was caught. "Okay." Holding up a letter opener, Ziva shrugged one shoulder. "I may have acted a little hastily." She eyed him in a way that made Tony think she'd read his earlier thoughts. He stared at her.

"That's my letter opener."

Ziva nodded and turned it over. "Excellent balance and weight. The edge is a little dull, but I have always admired it."

Tony began taking a catalogue of his desk. "Where's my American Pie coffee mug?"

"Palmer." Abby ratted him out without persuasion.

Tony's eyes narrowed. "Mighty Mouse stapler?"

"Ducky." She smiled as the man himself walked up behind Tony. "Hey Ducky."

He set the small blue stapler in Tony's palm and tried to sound sincere. "My dear fellow, I never believed it for a moment. Welcome home."

Gibbs came in. "It's not every day people think you're dead DiNozzo."

The look Ziva gave him made Tony hope there was never another one of those days. The grief in her eyes was brittle and all consuming, giving him a glimpse of the agony she'd been in for too many hours. One should never have to hear that the love of their life was not coming home.

**NCIS**

At the earliest opportunity Ziva followed Tony into the men's room and locked the door. As soon as he determined they were alone, Tony engulfed his wife in his arms, burying his face in her hair. Ziva clung to him, and after a moment the front she'd been putting up for the others crumbled and sobs shook her slim frame. Tony held her tighter, hot tears leaking from his own eyes. "I thought that was you in the car," she whispered. "I thought you were dead, and I could not even cry because no one knows."

Tony had a hard time getting his voice to work. "I'm so sorry Ziva. That was supposed to be me. After the explosion all I could think of was you. I couldn't get back any sooner, I didn't have a way to call. Gosh baby, I'm so sorry for making you worry."

Ziva pulled back and punched his shoulder. "That is for letting us think you were dead." Then she placed her hands on his face and kissed her husband in pure relief. "And that is because I am so glad to see you." She stood there, eyes closed, breathing in his scent and feeling his heart beat for several moments. At last Ziva pulled Tony's badge out of her pocket and looked at it, rubbing her thumb slowly over the raised letters before handing it to him.

He took in the black band pulled across the gold shield and sighed. "So you did give up on me."

She shrugged listlessly. "There was no room left for hope, and I am so tired of being disappointed."

"I'm here," Tony whispered, leaning his forehead on hers, "and I love you."

Ziva eyed him with apprehension. "Why does that sound like the precursor to bad news?"

He shook his head. "It's not, I promise."

Ziva's eyes shadowed and she took a step back, rubbing her arms. "Why did you not come to the bar last night? Why were you with her all night?"

The unspoken question in her tone hurt, but Tony couldn't blame her for wondering. He wasn't sure he'd be so understanding if it was the other way around and Ziva was the one flirting and pretending to date another man. He held out his arms for her. "Honey, I care about Jeanne just like every other vulnerable woman we've dealt with. I've gotten to know her and she's fun to be around. But you're the one I married, you're the one I come home to. I love you babe and I didn't sleep with her last night - we were trying to survive a drug dealer who wanted his product from inside his dead buddy. Wrong place, wrong time." He kissed her fingers. "I need you to believe me, please. We've made it this far, don't stop trusting me now."

Ziva searched his gaze and tucked herself back against him. "I trust you."

He let out a sigh. "Good." That was the best news he'd heard all day. Hugging her again, Tony breathed in her shampoo. "I love you."

She nodded into his chest. "I know. I love you too." Then a thought occurred to her and Ziva looked up at her husband with hope in her eyes. "So it is just us now?"

"Yes." Tony kissed her slowly. "For the first time since a month after our wedding, it's finally just us."

A smile crossed her face and they stayed wrapped in their love and the freedom of that realization for a few minutes longer before returning to work. Being together was the most important thing of all.

**NCIS**

As Gibbs led the way to Abby's lab moments later, Tony fell into step behind Ziva and clasped her hand lightly, feeling a need to be in contact with her as much as possible. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled faintly, pulling away before they reached the elevator. Downstairs he leaned more about the bomb that blew up his car. Apparently it was the same as nine other bombs that had gone off all over the world over the last few years, each one targeting an arms dealer.

"The only problem is, Tony's not an arms dealer," McGee pointed out.

"Girlfriend's father's an arms dealer," Gibbs said, looking to Tony.

"She's been working nights, I pick her up every morning for breakfast."

Ziva already knew that, she missed spending that time with him. "You park the car, they strap on the bomb, set the timer and walk away."

Gibbs changed their perspective. "You weren't the target, she was."

Even knowing Jeanne was likely with John right now and hopefully safe, his heart sped up. "Maybe she still is."

Gibbs nodded. "Take Ziva."

The couple was relieved to hear that, they needed some time alone, both to talk over their strategy for handling this new development and just be together. Tony flipped the switch in the elevator and cupped her face, kissing her gently, then deeply before wrapping her tight in his arms. He sighed into her hair. "Are you okay?"

Ziva tried to get closer and curled her fingers into his shirt. "Can you ask me again after I have woken up with you a few times, when I can make sure this is real?"

Tony pulled back and brushed his lips over her closed eyelids. "I'm real Ziva. I'm so sorry about earlier."

She laid two fingers over his mouth. "I already forgave you, but it is a different switch from mourning you to celebrating that we are free from distraction for the first time in months. Give me a little time, okay?"

The elevator was set back in motion and once in the parking lot, Tony pulled out the keys. But Ziva almost took him to the ground when he reached for the door handle, and insisted on thoroughly checking the car for possible explosive devices before settling gingerly into the passenger seat. Tony guessed it would be weeks before she was comfortable letting him into a vehicle again without examining it first. Getting in, Tony turned the car on and reached for her hand. She offered it with a smile and they made the drive without any delays.

Ziva was curious when they entered Jeanne's apartment, finally getting to see where her husband had been spending so much time. They split up to look around and she found an envelope addressed to Tony on the table. Feeling a little bit of jealousy at his name in another woman's handwriting, she nonetheless gave it to him and waited while he read the short note. Tony wasn't sure if he should feel relief or not, but it was finally getting easier to breathe. He waved the card at Ziva and let her look.

_Tony, I've made my choice. I need to be with someone I trust. Jeanne_.

She looked up. "John?"

He nodded. "I hope so. She deserves a good man."

Ziva touched his cheek. "You are Tony."

Tony ignored her. "You ever lie to someone you care about Ziva?"

She took a moment to think about it. "Yes."

His brow furrowed. "They ever forgive you?"

Ziva forced herself to meet his eyes. "They never found out."

Her answer made Tony wonder who her person was. Ari? Her father? Gibbs? Him? The last option was the most unsettling, but now wasn't the time to dwell on it. He slid down to sit on the floor in front of the couch.

Ziva joined him slowly and folded her fingers together. "Did Jeanne's father tell her who you were?"

Tony shook his head, flashing back to their conversation after the explosion. "No, I did."

**NCIS**

_Jeanne was nearly hyperventilating as Tony pulled her over to sit on a bench. "I don't understand what's happening. Tony, that was your car, your car that just...it could've been you. It should've been you."_

_He took her hand, forcing her to look at him. "But it wasn't Jeanne, and we're okay."_

_Her eyes flitted everywhere, trying to keep up with her racing thoughts. "Everything that's happened today, and last night, the way you handled things...the gun, the gun, firing it like you did." She shook her head. "It's like you're someone else, someone else, someone I don't know." Tony thought about how to say what needed to be said and the truth hit Jeanne like a slap in the face. She pulled her hand away. "You are, aren't you? Aren't you?! Someone else? Who? Who are you?"_

_Tony swallowed. "I'm a federal agent. My name isn't Tony DiNardo, it's Anthony DiNozzo. I work for the Naval Criminal Investigative Service."_

_Disbelief coloured her voice. "This has all been a lie."_

_He took a breath. "Jeanne, listen to me. Not all of it, not everything. This stopped being an assignment when I started to care, when I put less thought into my mission and more into how I could make sure you didn't get hurt."_

_Jeanne slid even further away. "Why? Just tell me why it is you do this, what I'm supposed to have done. Tell me."_

_Tony shook his head slowly. "It's not you." He looked past her at Rene, pacing back and forth with a cell phone held to his ear._

_She frowned. "What? What?!"_

_Tony sat up straighter, trying to distance himself. "You should ask him." Jeanne made a move to leave but he stopped her. "I know you probably hate me right now, I wish you could believe that I was never trying to hurt you. I didn't want it to happen like this."_

_She crossed her arms. "Nice job."_

"_Hey," Tony tugged on her coat sleeve, "why do you think I wouldn't say 'I love you'? Why I wouldn't just have sex with you? I was trying to protect you, not use you. And I was glad when John came back into the picture because I wanted you to have someone when this was over." He shoved his fingers through his hair. "I came to the hospital last night to tell you everything because I couldn't handle the secret any more. Then things got crazy and I didn't get the chance. But I'm sorry Jeanne, none of this was your fault."_

_Jeanne stood and stared at him. "Tony...Anthony...whoever you are, I never want to see you again. Goodbye."_

_Tony slumped against the bench and sighed. Today wasn't turning out how he'd hoped. Unfortunately it never took long to completely screw everything up. It was the one thing he was good at._

_**NCIS**_

_Once she reached the other side of the limo, Jeanne leaned back into a large tree and pulled out her cellphone, so thankful that John had the weekend off. She was in tears by the time he picked up and tried to wipe them away, but they just kept coming. The sting of another betrayal, another lie, was not something she felt able to handle right now. "Hey Cat," he answered with the same joy in his tone always present for her these days._

_Jeanne fought to make her voice sound normal. "John?"_

_He immediately went into cop mode, knowing something was not right. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"_

_She shook her head. "Can you come and get me? I need a ride." She couldn't trust Tony and Jeanne refused to think badly about her father, she just needed space from both of them for awhile._

_John was already up and moving. "Where are you?"_

_She looked around. "The park on K Street. Please hurry."_

_His heart was practically beating out of his chest. "You need to answer me Cat, are you okay?"_

_Jeanne sniffed. "I'm not injured or in danger. But I need you."_

"_Fifteen minutes," John promised, wishing he could read between the lines as they hung up._

_Rene finished his call and made his way over to his daughter, holding out his arm for her. Jeanne sank gratefully into his embrace and he kissed her hair. "I am so sorry pet, this is not how I saw today turning out."_

_She shook her head. "It's not your fault." Well, maybe it was, but Jeanne didn't want to know._

_He cupped her cheek. "I have a pressing business matter that requires my attention. Will you come with me to the boat?"_

_Jeanne swiped her eyes. "Not this time. I have a friend coming to pick me up."_

_He frowned. "What friend?"_

_She looked away. "John," she told him quietly._

_Rene's eyes flashed. "I thought I told him never to come near you again!" Perhaps he should've been more persuasive._

_Jeanne put her hand on his arm. "He's changed Papa. He apologized and he's trying to make things right between us. John is a good man. And he's been working very hard to earn my trust again."_

_The father in him didn't want to believe it, but the man was a cop and he would keep her safe. "Very well. But I still do not like him."_

_She smiled. "Give him a chance. He may surprise you."_

_Rene squeezed her hand and held her close again. "You are my treasure Jeanne, and everything I did was for you. No matter what they tell you about me, remember that." He kissed her forehead. "I will wait in the car. We will not leave until he arrives."_

_Jeanne nodded and let him go. A few minutes later John's car screeched to a halt and he jumped out, looking for her, one hand on his gun just in case. The limo slowly backed away and Jeanne waited until they weren't facing her before she ran into John's waiting arms. Filled with relief at having someone who cared enough to come, Jeanne broke down crying again. Unsure of the source, John brushed back her hair and whispered to her, tightening the hug as if everything depended on him not letting go._

_Finally she pulled away and he looked her over, needing to see for himself that she was unharmed. "What happened Cat? You really scared me."_

_She dug in her pockets for a kleenex and blew her nose. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't think and all I wanted was you."_

_John tipped her chin up and tried to grin. "That's what I like to hear, but can you tell me why?"_

_Jeanne looked away. "We broke up."_

_He frowned. "Why?"_

_Anger flared in her eyes and she wrapped her arms around herself. "He lied to me! He was using me, I was just the means to an end." She shook her head. "He wasn't the man I thought he was." _

_John's jaw clenched and he crossed his arms. "Want me to shoot him or rough him up a bit?"_

_That got him a glimmer of a smile. "Maybe later." Jeanne fixed her eyes on the man who was her first love. "Are you going to lie to me and use me like last time?"_

_John was deadly serious in an instant. "Not a chance." He'd learned his lesson the hard way._

_Her lips trembled. "Are you going to hurt me again John? Because I really can't handle any more."_

_He took her hands. "No Cat, I won't. If I ever get a second chance, I'll do everything I can to keep you from getting hurt."_

_Jeanne nodded once. "I trust you. But," she held up her hand to stem the hope in his eyes, "I need you just to be my friend right now John. I have nothing left to give to a relationship and it may be...awhile before I'm ready to be that vulnerable again."_

_John lifted his hand and stroked her cheek. "If you know you can trust me, if you can think like we have a future, then I will wait as long as it takes, Jeanne Katerina Benoit."_

_She gave him a watery smile. "Thanks."_

_He brushed away one of her stray tears. "So, what now?"_

_Jeanne shrugged. "I don't know. Can we...go for a walk? Just hold my hand and tell me stories about your puppy for awhile, okay?"_

_John wrapped his fingers around hers. "Okay. I'll even take you out for ice cream later, and maybe we'll stop at my place on the way home and I'll let you spoil Rosie for an hour." He smiled. "It's amazing how much one cuddly ball of fur can lift your mood."_

_She leaned into him. "I'd like that."_

_He dropped a kiss on her hair and began to relate tales of Rosie playing tug of war with his socks, and falling into a pail in the basement one night, crying until he came to rescue her. She loved butterflies, thought squirrels were put there just for her to yap at and chase, and curled up at his feet every time he lay down no matter how many times he showed Rosie her bed in a corner of the kitchen. In short, adopting her was the best decision he'd made since fighting for Jeanne, and John knew that no matter what he was never going to let this woman go again. She was the one._

_**NCIS**_

_When Tony got out of the limo at the gates of the Navy Yard, Rene leaned forward. "I thought you said you weren't going to break my daughter's heart."_

_He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I tried sir, I really tried. You'll never know how hard."_

_The man studied him a moment and nodded. "Goodbye Agent DiNozzo."_

Ziva slid her arm through Tony's and leaned her chin on his shoulder. "I am sorry you had to do that."

He sighed and fingered the note. "I never wanted to be put in this situation Ziva. What I did to you and Jeanne...I'm sorry."

She put her hand over his, one finger lightly tracing the spot where his ring belonged. "I forgive you, but this was not your fault." Ziva placed both palms against his cheeks and stared deeply into his eyes. "I love you Agent DiNozzo, do not ever think differently."

Tony closed the distance between them and kissed her, seeking reassurance of her words and reaffirmation of their bond. Then he pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her curls. "I love you Ziva," he murmured, feeling the stress begin to bleed away a tiny bit. "Please," Tony begged, tightening his grip, "please..." But he never got any further, so Ziva did the only thing she could do and held her husband while he beat himself up for an end that no matter how hard he tried, Tony hadn't been able to change.

**NCIS**

The next day was quiet, too quiet for Ziva's peace of mind. She closed her cellphone for the fourth time and sighed. McGee looked up. "No luck?"

She shrugged. "Not at home. And he has not replaced his cellphone yet."

Tim didn't seem concerned. "Maybe he took the day off."

Ziva gazed morosely at her partner's desk. That's exactly what she was afraid of. She'd woken up that morning to the absence of her husband and a note on his pillow stating that he needed some time alone. As much as Tony was their annoying and endearing class clown, he didn't bounce back from the tough stuff nearly as well as others believed. So now he was alone out there somewhere, walking or sitting but most likely going over every step of the last six months and trying to figure out if he could've done more, tried harder, handled things better. And she wanted so much more for him than that.

Friday passed slowly and Ziva drove home with a sinking feeling in her stomach. They were rarely out of contact for an entire day. The house was dark and empty as she'd feared and Ziva only lasted five minutes in the silence before sliding one of Tony's beloved movies into the player. In the kitchen she put extra care into cooking spaghetti with meatballs and homemade sauce and garlic bread with cheese. Then she set the table and waited...and waited...and waited.

Three movies and her own picked at plate later it was clear Tony wasn't returning yet, nor was he going to call and let her know he was alright. So Ziva put the meal in the fridge, left a note, took a shower and crawled into the cold, lonely bed all by herself. The scene was reminiscent of two nights ago when Tony was missing, and she didn't like the comparison at all.

A noise in the house woke her hours later and had her reaching for her gun before the sound of Tony's familiar footsteps reached her ears. Returning the weapon to beneath her pillow, Ziva lay still and waited. It seemed like ages passed as she listened to Tony quietly warming his plate and eating with a re-run of the game playing in the background. Then he checked all the doors and windows, force of habit, and partially undressed on his way to the bathroom. Ziva smiled at the gentle thump of the hamper lid and heard the water turn on. He spent a long time in the shower before finally flicking off the last few lights and coming to bed.

Tony climbed into bed and settled behind her, his arm falling lightly across her waist. They lay without moving or speaking, no sound in the room but their even breathing, until he leaned in and lifted the hair off her neck to kiss the skin. "I know you're awake Zi."

She tightened her grip on her pillow. "I am not."

He sighed and put his hand on her shoulder. "Not going to look at me?"

Ziva frowned and rolled over. "Would a phone call have been too much trouble?"

Tony swallowed. "I wasn't exactly near a method of communication. And by the time I stopped walking, I remembered I hadn't gotten a new cellphone." He shrugged. "I'm sorry if I worried you, I really just needed to spend some time alone today."

She searched his eyes in the darkness. "Did it help?"

Tony looked away. "I don't know. I broke Rule 10 Zi, I got involved, and I'm having a hard time shaking this one." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I tried to find her, to apologize one more time, but she's still not back at the apartment and the hospital said she's taking a few days off." He rubbed his face. "I hope she's with John, that she's okay. I just...she hates me, y'know? She has every right to, but I didn't want things to end this way."

Ziva blinked slowly. "How did you want it to end?"

Tony groaned and dropped his head to the pillow. "That's what I can't figure out. I wanted to get out without anyone getting hurt, but I managed to blow the whole thing so badly that everyone got hurt."

She brushed her fingers over his stubbled cheek, the first time she'd initiated touch since the conversation began. "Perhaps it is your own hurt and feelings that need to be dealt with."

His brow furrowed. "Mine?"

"Your anger at being used by Jenny in her own personal vendetta. Your frustration at everyone for not knowing and often making your job more difficult, the guilt you feel for lying to Jeanne and how your actions affected us and me. The stress you carried for six long months split between Gibbs and Jenny and me, juggling everything, trying not to drop any balls, and still keeping yourself afloat." She finally took a breath. "We are not the only ones who suffered Tony, the burden of this assignment has been on you for far too long."

Tony stared at her, uncomprehending, and shook his head. "I guess I never thought about it that way."

"It is time," Ziva said simply, fitting herself against his body, her arms going around him and one leg slipping snugly between his. "And I will do whatever you ask, be whatever you need, and help however I can. My love," she whispered, "you deserve nothing less."

Moisture gathered in Tony's eyes and he embraced her tightly, almost desperately. "Please Zi," he whispered thickly, "don't let go. Don't let go."

Ziva nestled her head in his neck and kissed his collarbone softly. She would never let go. Tony was her partner, her husband, her lover, her best friend. He was part of her and now that they'd found each other and promised forever, she never wanted to see another tomorrow that did not include him. So Ziva David clung to her husband that night, determined that if he was going to fall apart she would be right by his side to pick up the pieces. This was where they belonged.

_Replies:_

_Lacey (4x24) - Thank you, I really appreciate that. It's always nice to know people are liking what I write. haha...definitely lots of drama coming up in 5x01, hopefully it will be worth it. Yes, MIT will have 1 part for each season from 4-9, after that we'll be heading into 'the rest of the story' which goes AU after the S9 finale. I'm looking forward to that. Well, then I thank you very much for the review and I'm glad to have you along for the ride :)_

_Sarah (4x24) - you're welcome :) I'm glad you liked it. If only the telling had gone according to T's plans, but life has a way of getting in the way. haha...glad you liked that line, T definitely reached the end of his patience there. lol, I had fun writing T's little post head trauma confusion, I thought it was cute. Yeah, it sucks even more that Z has no idea T didn't do this on purpose, I think she also is losing her battle with being patience and supportive. Thanks very much for the review!_


	2. 5x2 Family

Tony and Ziva's new strategy involved him being much unlike his usual self - not hard when he was still working through the repercussions of his mission - and bringing Jeanne's note to leave on his desk. They agreed that Ziva would make a big deal of how he was acting in front of the others, especially since Tony planned to catch up on all the extra paperwork from the time he'd missed. Ziva was glad that he wasn't quite as morose at home, but her husband was still far too serious and down for her liking.

His first day back to work after a couple off Ziva walked in and sat down, assessing Tony in a glance. "Are you alright?"

He didn't look up. "I'm fine."

She leaned her head on her hand. "I thought you might need some cheering up."

Tony met her gaze. "If I needed to be cheered up, I would've put super glue on McGee's keyboard." He paused for effect as Tim positioned his fingers to type. Seconds later he stood and looked incredulously at Tony.

"You put super glue on my keyboard!"

Tony chuckled while Ziva smiled. "Did it help?"

He shrugged. "Didn't hurt."

Gibbs walked by, got a bottle of acetone from his desk without a word and left it for McGee. Tony and Ziva followed him out, knowing they needed to stick together and that Abby would probably rescue their lovable probie shortly. Some things, at least, were back to normal.

**NCIS**

At the crime scene McGee was taking photos while Ziva sketched. Tony had appointed himself to do perimeter and bagging and tagging. "The more I think about it, the more I can't believe we fell for it, Tony with a girlfriend," he began.

Ziva was pensive. "I believe he cared for her McGee."

Tim shrugged. "I don't doubt that, did you see what she looks like?"

She made a face. "Looks are not everything." After a moment, her eyes returned to him. "It sounds like you wish you had the assignment." At this point Ziva wished that it had been given to anyone but Tony, except that she would not put the fallout on any agent.

McGee snapped a picture. "Yeah, I don't know why the director didn't give it to me to begin with."

Her expression reflected shock that he would insult Tony that way and make light of what he went through. If Gibbs hadn't called her name at that exact moment, Ziva would likely have given McGee a very large piece of her mind with a few threats thrown in. No one was allowed to treat her husband that way and remain unscathed.

**NCIS**

Tony paused outside the nursery, hearing Gibbs' gruff voice and Ziva's carefully measured response.

"You want to have children Ziva?"

She hesitated, rare for her. "Well..."

Gibbs was impatient. "It's a simple question."

She sighed. "I do not have a simple answer."

Gibbs waited a beat. "Once you have children, you'll understand."

Unbelievable. They'd been married a year but he never expected their boss to get to the topic first. Tony chose that moment to make his entry and Ziva eyed his soggy appearance with interest. She waited while he reported to Gibbs and they lingered when he left. Tony glanced around the baby's room and his eyes fell on the crib. "We've never talked about it Zi."

She turned away to fiddle with the camera. "There is nothing to talk about."

He frowned. "Haven't you ever thought about it?"

Ziva shrugged. "There is no point."

Tony ventured further into the room and put his hand on her arm. "Why not?"

She swallowed and looked him straight in the eye. "Because I cannot have children Tony."

The blunt force with which she delivered the news hit Tony's heart like a weighted blow. "You can't..."

Ziva sighed. "In Mossad it is common to sleep with your partner, it is how you learn them. It is just as common a practice to seduce marks as a way to gain information. To...risk a long term consequence of those actions is not acceptable. Female members of Mossad are encouraged to make sure that does not happen. In my case an operation was simpler than worrying about precautions." She finally met his gaze again. "To my understanding, the procedure is irreversible."

Tony rubbed his face. "Wow. Didn't see that coming."

She adjusted her hat. "It is not something I talk about easily." There was a pause and she bit her lip, her eyes falling to the floor. "Does it...make you want to change your mind?"

Tony peeked down the hall to check for witnesses and kissed her with enough passion to drive the thought from her mind. "Never. I love you Zi, it's been a year. Stop waiting for me to change my mind."

"Habit," she offered as an excuse.

"Break it," he returned, brushing his lips over hers again. "Besides, if you ever decide to want kids, there may be other ways of getting you pregnant, even if the old fashioned one is the most fun."

She smirked and shoved him back a couple steps. "Do not get any ideas. It is a long time until we go home."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "So I can't put my overactive imagination to good use?"

Ziva matched his expression. "Are you going to continue watching me across the bullpen like you are undressing me with your eyes?" His mouth fell open and she closed it as she walked past. "That is what I thought. You will just have to wait."

Tony grinned and followed her back to the others. Flirting with his wife was a definite way to brighten his day.

**NCIS**

Ziva followed Tony into the bathroom after his donut backfired onto his shirt. He saw her in the mirror and sighed. "Is it time to go home yet?"

She smiled faintly. "Not yet."

"Yeah," his voice was heavy, "that's what I thought." The used paper towel went in the garbage and he turned to face her. "How're we doing?"

Ziva chewed on her lip. "Fine so far, I guess, but I am unhappy with how casual and callous McGee is about the whole thing. You almost died last week and now he thinks he is better than you!" She made a noise in her throat and crossed her arms. "It is disrespectful."

Tony cupped her elbow. "Cut McGoo some slack, he's been carrying more responsibility lately while I've been AWOL. And you have to remember Zi, he doesn't understand."

Her hands came to rest on his chest. "None of them do."

He nuzzled her neck. "I think we need to fight."

Ziva frowned. "Why?"

Tony shrugged. "Because you've been hovering and offering advice. The old me and the pretend me who was pretty in love with Jeanne and just got his heart broken wouldn't take it without saying anything."

She fiddled with his shirt collar. "I have had enough of fighting with you."

He knew she was thinking of where the tension and stress had pushed them over the last couple months and tipped her chin up to kiss her softly. "Those ones were real. This one will be fake, I promise."

Ziva gave in. "Fine." She took a breath and stepped back from him, thinking of something that got her blood boiling. With a fierce glare she spun around and left, slamming the door behind her. Tony waited a beat and exited too, studiously ignoring her for most of the afternoon while Ziva shot hurt glances at him and spoke only when spoken to.

By the time they made it to the evidence garage, lobbing pointed words at each other in razor sharp tones, Gibbs had enough. "Hey," he yelled, "do that on your own time."

Tony gestured at his partner. "I was trying! But she followed me in there."

Ziva glared venomously. "Only because you would not talk to me!"

The look Gibbs sent them both was clear and Tony looked away from her. "Shutting up Boss."

Given a little time to cool down, Ziva said nothing else until they returned to their desks. She leaned forward. "Gibbs does not accept apologies, but I do."

Tony stared at her and took his time, replying in a subdued voice. "I'm sorry Ziva, I know you were just trying to help."

She cocked her head to the side. "Did I?"

He hesitated, about to say something like, 'I'll get back to you on that', but Gibbs interrupted like always and the case continued.

Later that night after reuniting the parents with their baby, Tony stood looking into the fire while the team talked. Knowing they were probably watching, he took out the card from Jeanne, tapped it against his palm, and dropped it into the flames. After it was gone, he joined the group and smiled at Ziva's gentle ribbing about getting caught in the sprinklers again. Gibbs clapped him on the shoulder, McGee nodded, and Tony felt himself relax for the first time in months. Now they could get back to normal and the healing could begin. It was only one step, but it was a start.

_Sarah - yes, P2 would've been shorter than the others because of the number of eps, but now it's down to 13 chapters but as far as I can tell, that will be the most episodes I ever skip. I've already done Internal Affairs, that one was necessary to finish up that arc. Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Agonizing is probably the best word to describe what Z went through in those hours T was missing. lol, I had fun with the bathroom scene, it was nice to be able to factor in all those emotions. I was always planning for Jeanne to get a happier ending, so I'm glad that worked out. I know, the Jeanne/John thing is kinda weird, which is why John uses her middle name. Everyone should have someone's hand to hold after a day like that. T was so busy worrying about everyone else that his own emotions got lost in the shuffle. I appreciated the way Z turned things around so he could see that she and Jeanne weren't the only ones suffering. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	3. 5x3 Ex-File

Ziva got off the elevator, head bobbing to the beat of the Hebrew music blasting through her earbuds. The last couple weeks had been wonderful as time saw Tony slowly shed the burden of responsibility he carried for the failed mission and began to laugh and smile, often getting giddy as the full realization of just being able to enjoy their marriage now sank in, and acting carefree in a way she'd never seen before. It was something Ziva hoped lasted for a long time.

Tony came in soon after his wife but took the stairs so no one would suspect they'd just gotten out of the same car, and the sound of his singing made her smile, but she tried to warn him about Gibbs, who didn't appreciate their new toys as much as they did. Abby was more than generous with her friends and they'd have to think of a really good way to thank her later. Maybe for her birthday. Nothing said love to the happy-go-lucky Goth than a surprise party in her honour. He'd have to talk to Ziva and McGee and see what they could come up with.

The phone rang, they had a body, and everyone geared up as usual, but the introduction of one of Gibbs' ex-wives to the case put a completely different spin on things, especially as his current...interest was also involved. On the elevator ride upstairs after they returned from the crime scene, Tony chuckled. "Crash and burn, only a matter of time."

Ziva looked at him. "What?"

He shook his head. "Not a what, a whom. Colonel Mann, Gibbs, Army-Navy joint operation."

Ziva smiled. "It could last a lifetime."

He glanced at her, thinking of their own promise. "Behind the torture techniques and the contract killings Ziva, you're really just a..."

She raised an eyebrow. "A whom?"

Tony started to get nervous, stumbling over a few of his words before he got the sentence out. "Wha...whom? Not a whom, it's more...it's a what."

Her tone sharpened. "A what then?"

Tony repeated her words like he was rehearsing lines and afraid of forgetting something. "What? A what then? I think..."

The doors opened and Tony walked out but Ziva stayed on his heels. "I am still just a what?"

The guy behind them butted in. "A girl."

Tony winced and silently wished the man luck. Later she cornered him in the restroom, locking the door behind her. "What were you going to call me?"

He leaned back and cleared his throat. "A romantic, Officer Dah-veed. You still believe in fairy tales and happily ever after, don't you?"

Ziva raised an eyebrow lazily and looked him up and down. "Why should I not? I got my happy ending."

Tony relaxed knowing that she wasn't going to break any bones for that comment. He slid his fingers into her hair and smiled against her lips. "Everyone should be so lucky."

**NCIS**

Not too many minutes passed before Tony and Ziva stood in Observation watching Colonel Mann with Stephanie. "Who do you think's prettier - ex-wife number three or future ex-wife number four?"

She hit him for being so negative about Gibbs' love life and studied the two women. "The Colonel is at a disadvantage because of her uniform." Tony gazed thoughtfully through the window and Ziva rolled her eyes. "Tell me you are not trying to imagine her without her uniform."

He turned and gave his wife the same slow look. "Maybe I'm trying to imagine you in yours, Zee-vah."

She mulled the thought over before smiling and shaking her head. "You could not handle that."

Tony's expression grew interested. "Oh no?"

Ziva focused on her nails, then glanced up at him with a glint in her eyes. "IDF. I carried a machine gun when out on patrol and was put on the sniper team. I was dangerous."

He chuckled. "I bet you were." Tony reached out to touch her and Ziva twisted his wrist just enough to be uncomfortable without hurting. He froze. "Uh...Zi?"

She grinned and turned him loose. "Do not forget who you are dealing with."

Tony stared at her before a lecherous smile took over his face. "Just wait until we get home Officer David, you're not the only one with skills."

The temptation of games later set the wheels in Ziva's head spinning and she began to plan just exactly how to show off for her husband as the interview continued.

**NCIS**

Early the next day after discovering the intriguing phone calls between Jill Reynolds and Major Swaggart, planning how the wife could have killed her husband even though she was out of town, and finding out how much life insurance she was entitled to after his death, Tony and Ziva were sent to pick up the grieving widow, who was now their prime suspect. Once in the car, he began speaking before she could even think to ask. "No, I would never."

Ziva frowned. "Never what?"

There was only seriousness in his gaze. "Cheat on you. Ever. No matter what. With anyone."

She slid her hands over his and laced their fingers. "I know."

Tony blinked. "How?"

Ziva leaned against his shoulder. "Because you love me. And because you are a good man. I do not doubt that Tony."

His eyebrows rose. "Even on days when the cases we work make me loathe to be part of the male species?" So many times he wondered what she must be thinking about him when men were murdering their wives or having them killed or cheating on them and keeping all sorts of secrets.

She smiled. "Even then."

Tony cleared his throat. "Oh. Well...good."

Ziva chuckled and watched as he pulled onto the road. It was good that she could still surprise him and that even after all they'd been through in the last year, nothing had permanently shaken their trust.

**NCIS**

Later when they were sitting on the couch watching a movie, Tony's arm around her and her head resting on his shoulder, Ziva turned to her husband. "Are there any exes of yours that I should be aware of Tony?"

He pressed pause and shifted uncomfortably. The silence stretched out until he cleared his throat and answered. "Only one." Her eyebrows lifted in interest and Tony twisted her rings around. He sighed. "Her name is Wendy and once upon a time we were engaged."

Ziva moved her hand over his heart. "I did know that part." Tony frowned and she explained. "The dossiers I did for Ari included a lot of personal information on the team. I found out about Gibbs' first wife and daughter, things in Abby and McGee's, and Ducky and Jimmy's past, and your former fiancee." She looked into his eyes. "But I do knot know details, and if you are willing I would like to hear the story from you."

He touched her cheek. "You're not mad?"

She shook her head. "I cannot fault you for any relationships you had before me. And I am...okay with the memories because I know you chose me."

Tony kissed her gratefully. "Thank you."

Ziva got comfortable again. "Will you tell me?"

He held her a little bit tighter. "She was a kindergarten teacher. I met her when I came to talk to her class about strangers and safety. We dated for six months, my longest relationship ever, and I was so sure she was the one. When she said yes to my proposal I thought it couldn't get any better. We spent five months planning the wedding and on the night before she came to my apartment, told me she couldn't marry me, and walked out of my life like nothing we shared meant anything to her."

He rubbed Ziva's leg slowly. "That was about the same time I had to turn my partner in for being dirty, and I kind of lost it for awhile. Quit the force, started drinking pretty heavily. I wallowed in grief and guilt and anger for a few weeks before Gibbs heard through the grapevine what happened and dragged me to NCIS with a job offer. I flashed the DiNozzo grin at the lady in Personnel and the rest is history."

Ziva trailed her fingers thoughtfully over his chest. "Does it still hurt?"

Tony sighed. "Not really. I put that part of my life behind me." He leaned his head on hers. "And you didn't bail on me Zi, that went a long way towards healing old wounds."

She pressed her lips to his neck. "I will never leave."

He wrapped both arms around her. "Me neither. You're stuck with me lady."

Ziva smiled. "There is nowhere else I would rather be."

_Replies:_

_jr (MIT2) - thanks, that's always nice to hear. I'm glad you enjoyed the first part. Well, part of the fun of this series is T&Z keeping their secret. I'm roughly following canon until S9, after that anything could happen ;) Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Sarah - thanks :) Yeah, it is kind of sad, but that explains why she didn't have a good answer to G's question. Mm, I'm glad you liked T's answer. Z's never had anyone stick around that long so it's still a surprise sometimes that he does. I get that McG is often the afterthought, over looked and the butt of many jokes, but I didn't appreciate his attitude here, rather unlike him. Nobody seemed to take very seriously what T went through, like it hadn't hurt him at all. Fights are never fun but if it throws off suspicion they'll have to do whatever they can. The end was definitely closure on a few things and definitely a step in the right direction. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	4. 5x4 Identity Crisis

Tony walked in one morning to find Ziva leaning over McGee's shoulder looking at his computer. He dropped his bag and made a face. "Please tell me you're looking for a man for Ziva."

She glanced at him. "Not me."

Tony joined them to see pictures of several different dogs and made a comment about McGee needing a girlfriend. "Which might even be easier with a puppy." He looked at his friend. "Maybe you should think about it Tony."

His voice was no-nonsense. "I'm not ready to start taking tips from you on this yet Probie."

McGee just smiled. "Tony, I think it's time you get back on that horse."

Their phrasing confused Ziva, Tony nettled her, and she left. He waited the appropriate amount of time, then followed and made sure she was alone in the bathroom before locking them in. Ziva turned to face him with crossed arms. "Do you think I need a new man Tony?"

He pulled her close. "Not unless there's something wrong with the old one."

A smile teased the corner of her lips. "I have no complaints."

Tony kissed her. "Good. That's what I like to hear."

Ziva smoothed his tie. "What are we going to do to throw off the team's curiosity? It has been months. If you do not start dating again they will get suspicious."

He twirled a piece of her hair. "Well it just so happens that my nights are often taking up by this gorgeous exotic beauty and I've been waiting ages to brag about the things we've been doing together."

Her eyes danced. "You may have to change your description if we are not giving things away yet."

Tony trailed his lips across her cheek and down her neck, blowing on the skin to make her squirm. "I would love to give everything away if I didn't think I would run the risk of losing what we have."

Ziva's arms came around his neck and she played with the short hairs there. "It is a good thing the restrooms and elevators are without cameras or it would be too late for that."

He took over her mouth for a deep kiss, pulling back to murmur, "Only if someone told Gibbs."

Ziva's lips parted under the pressure of his but she broke away moments later. "Do you really think he would separate us?"

Tony sighed and caressed her lower back slowly. "I don't know Zi, no one's had the nerve to break his rules before. But we can't risk it, not when I've only had you for a year."

She smiled and kissed him a final time. "I thought maybe you had forgotten. Happy Anniversary ahuvi."

He shook his head and his eyebrows rose comically. "Forget the day you promised to be mine? Never. I'm insulted Ms. David. Never mistake silence for forgetfulness." Tony brushed his fingers over her cheek. "I have plans for you later."

Ziva chuckled. "Do those plans include being naked?"

Tony wagged his finger at her. "I don't kiss and tell. It's a secret. I am not so easily bribed." She advanced on him and he backed away. "Do not test that theory when we have to go back to work!"

Ziva winked at him and tickled the back of his neck. "I make no promises."

Tony swallowed hard and let her leave, wondering exactly what he'd just started. It was going to be a very long day.

**NCIS**

Ziva took an instant dislike to FBI Agent Courtney Krieger. It was particularly noticeable in her catty attitude when Tony was being nice to the young woman. Throughout the day he tried to send her little signals so she knew he had no ulterior motives towards Courtney, such as their dinner order. Tony went through the bag. "Philly Cheesesteak, extra steak, extra cheese." He tossed it to her and Ziva smiled. It was nice that he knew what she liked.

When Fornell was chewing out Courtney about procedure and protocol vs. common sense later, Ziva acted smug. "That was long overdue."

Though he was pretty sure he knew what her issue was, Tony went for innocent. "What have you got against her?"

Ziva glanced back at the other agent. "I do not like cleaning up after other people." She continued down the stairs. "I have seen you looking at her, thinking about getting back on that horse Tony?"

He pulled her into the alcove and raised an eyebrow. "Wasn't aware I ever fell off of it."

Ziva's eyes dropped and she crossed her arms. "I hate this."

Tony pushed some hair over her shoulder. "I won't do it if you ask me not to."

She sighed. "I know, but we talked about this already. If you are not the same old Tony there will be too many questions."

He glanced around and above them for any listening eyes or ears and lowered his voice. "I love you Ziva, you know that."

Ziva nodded once. "And I you." Her hand flattened on his chest. "Do not make me share Tony."

Tony stole a quick kiss on the cheek and held up three fingers. "Scout's honour. You're the only woman I want."

His wife's smile slowly grew. "Is that so Agent DiNozzo? Well perhaps we will confirm that theory tonight, yes?"

He grinned. "It's a date." Tony picked up her hand and kissed the back, growing serious again. "Please stop looking at me like I'm betraying what we have." He's seen enough of those expressions in the past year to last for a lifetime.

Ziva swallowed. "I cannot always help it. But I will try to remember this is all an act."

Tony shook his head and got closer. "It's not an act when I'm with you."

Her guard, always so vigilant, dropped for a brief moment as she stepped into his arms. Just as quickly she moved away and headed for her desk, leaving Tony hoping tonight would come swiftly and without additional issues. Ziva's insecurity always left him feeling sick to his stomach. He caught up with her and their pretend argument continued by the copy machine where Ziva spun to face him.

"I thought the new Tony wanted something more, a real relationship."

Tony posed nonchalantly with one hand in his pocket. "I never said that."

Ziva glanced up the stairs at Courtney. "Sure it would be nice, but it would be meaningless. She is a pretty girl, but she is just a girl. The man you were becoming needs a woman. At least, I thought he did." Her eyes apologized for the way it sounded before she walked away, leaving him staring after her like she'd hit a nerve.

**NCIS**

After her pep talk to Courtney, Ziva found herself in Observation with Tony. She leaned her back against the window and looked at him. "When I was young my uncle bred Arabian horses. I mentioned it to Agent Krieger earlier." She stared wistfully into the empty room. "I miss that."

Tony broke his focus on the interview to pay attention to his wife. "What?"

"Riding," Ziva clarified. "I spent every summer with my aunt and uncle until my mother died and Eli began my formal training at thirteen. That is also when he made me quit dancing. But those days were filled with a peace and joy I will never forget."

He rested his hand on her hip. "Why didn't you ever say something? I'm not real good with horses, but I would love to take you riding sometime Zi."

She smiled a little. "I did not think it mattered."

Tony tipped her chin up. "If it matters to you, it matters to me. We'll go sometime, okay? Just the two of us. And you can save me when one of those huge animals dumps me on the trail."

Ziva's laughter was light and free before she sobered, trying not to make fun of him too much. "Yes Tony, I will rescue you. Scout's honour."

His eyes narrowed. "You've never been a scout."

She raised one eyebrow. "Neither have you."

Tony sighed. "Fine, we'll just call it even then."

Ziva returned her concentration to the interrogation and leaned back into him. "Okay. I love you."

He could never hear that too much. "I love you too," Tony breathed into her hair. This was the definition of a perfect moment.

**NCIS**

Late afternoon found Ziva and McGee in a communications van, watching Tony and Courtney undercover as a couple in the Indian restaurant. McGee listened to the somewhat awkward exchange. "She looks a little tense. Think maybe it should be you in there?"

Ziva had to pretend she didn't agree with him. She and Tony had talked about it and decided not to argue with Courtney playing his date. Too many eyes watching the secretly married couple made them fear giving something away accidentally, since being together was so natural for them. Even so, the knowledge that this was just for an op didn't stop Ziva from feeling quite territorial when Courtney put her hand over Tony's. She purposely interrupted the moment, but didn't expect Courtney's ice water to end up in her husband's lap. The laughter that escaped was impossible to stop, and Ziva made a mental note to apologize to him later.

Once they'd been freed for the night, the partners escaped to the basement where Tony handed Ziva a bag with a change of clothes and sent her to the locker room, requesting that her hair be left down. When she met him outside Tony was wearing a dark suit with the tie she'd picked out. Ziva liked the sundress Tony had chosen for her, white with large blurry flowers scattered across the material.

Checking for people, Tony took her hand and led her to the car, opening the passenger door with a flourish. "M'lady."

Ziva got in and smoothed her dress, waiting for him to join her. He drove them to a restaurant where they did dinner theater and the comedy on stage kept them both in stitches throughout their entire meal. After lingering over white chocolate cheesecake they took turns feeding each other, the couple left and ended up at a park bathed in moonlight. Tony reached for Ziva's hand again and they took a walk across the grass in the mild night air, pointing out every constellation they could find.

Under the glow of the stars at the top of a small hill, Tony took Ziva's face in his hands and kissed her deeply. Her fingers came up and curled around his collar, dragging him closer as their lips melded together, passion evident in every touch. After a period of time neither bothered to measure, Tony finally forced himself to break the kiss. "Hey," he managed between breaths, "is it time for those other plans now?"

Ziva smiled against his skin. "The ones where we are much less clothed?"

"Yeah, those ones," Tony agreed.

Her fingers brushed along his neck. "Yes."

"Good," he whispered, looking into her eyes. "Happy Anniversary Zi."

Ziva threw her arms around his neck. "I love you Tony, thank you for this life. Let us go home."

Tony grinned and steered her towards the car. "Babe, you know all my favourite words."

And for the remainder of the evening Tony and Ziva knew nothing but each other and the love they shared.

**NCIS**

Tony heard the call of shots fired from Gibbs the next day when Courtney and Ziva were ordered to keep the delivery boy in custody and started freaking out inside. It took an incredible amount of control not to grab his keys and head to where she was, but he couldn't because of their secret. It seemed like hours but was only a couple minutes before the phone rang and Ziva reported no harm and one unconscious bad guy, letting the bullpen breathe a sigh of relief and all three guys return to their seats.

After the girls returned and the FBI took over the conclusion of the case, the team gathered in MTAC to watch the sting go down. In earshot of the others, Ziva glanced at Tony. "Did you get her number?"

"Who, Courtney?" Tony shook his head. "No."

Ziva laughed and held up a small folded piece of paper. "I did. She wants to learn how to fight." He tossed a piece of popcorn into the air and Ziva grabbed it, popping it in her own mouth. "Why did you not?"

Tony shrugged without making eye contact. "I think there's something better for me closer to home."

At that Gibbs leaned forward and gave his agents a penetrating look. Ziva saw it in her peripheral vision and wondered if he'd noticed that she and Tony had their pinky fingers linked. Had they given something away? The thought made her tense but Ziva forced herself to seem relaxed and act as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Once they were dismissed for the day Tony caught up with her at the elevator.

"Hey, what was that all about?"

She waited until they were safely inside before answering. "What?"

He frowned. "You know what. You were wound so tight in MTAC I thought you were going to break something."

Ziva flicked the switch and faced him. "I think Gibbs saw us."

Tony stilled. "The whole sorta-but-not-really-holding-hands thing?"

She nodded. "Yes. He gave us a strange look, like something was different."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Think we're getting too comfortable? There's nothing to really cause tension now, have we gotten complacent?"

Ziva lifted one shoulder and let it drop. "I am not sure. But I do not think I'm ready to stop being comfortable with you."

Tony kissed her temple. "I like to hear you say things like that. It's weird to be married a whole year now and only have spent five months of it truly alone together."

She rested her chin on his shoulder. "When they find out about us, can we go away somewhere for a little while?"

He wrapped her in his arms. "The honeymoon we never got?"

"Something like that," Ziva agreed. She sagged against him. "It has been a long day."

Tony chuckled. "Sounds like I need to get you into bed." Ziva pinched his side and he yelped. "Ow! No really, I meant that innocently even if it didn't sound that way."

Ziva turned the elevator back on and they headed home. By mutual decision they opted to forego showers in favour of falling into bed. It wasn't until Tony caught Ziva's wince when she pulled her shirt off that he realized he might've missed something. He couldn't help the gasp that escaped at the sight of the large dark bruise blossoming on her shoulder. "Geez Zi, what did you do?" Tony asked, brushing his thumb over the area lightly.

She shrugged off his concern. "It probably had something to do with diving out of the car to avoid getting shot."

Tony's mouth fell open. "When were you going to mention that?"

Ziva frowned. "It is not a big deal Tony, I have had much worse."

He propped his hands on his hips. "Uh, you almost got shot and you're hurt, it is too a big deal!" The unimpressed look he got suggested strongly that dropping the subject would be the wisest course of action, but Tony had never been very good at listening. He sighed. "Can I at least kiss it better?"

Tony saw the smile she tried to hide as she nodded. "Yes, you may."

Leaning over he pressed his lips gently to the purpled skin, then moved across her shoulder and up her neck, brushing her hair aside while he undid her bra and took it off, then held up the t-shirt of his that she often wore to bed. Ziva turned and molded her mouth to his, closing her eyes as their lips fell into the familiar give and take of kissing that was a way to do everything from expressing passion to healing grief.

She slid her arms around him and tucked her head into his neck, allowing him simply to hold her. Finally Ziva let go and after discarding his jeans, Tony joined her under the covers, sifting his fingers through her hair, then letting his hand encompass hers as they fell asleep. For all the important things that needed to be said, Tony and Ziva had never found it necessary to use words.

_Sarah - I agree. Now that the shadows of the assignment are fading away, it's easier for them to be happy about only having each other worry about. I'm glad you liked the elevator/bathroom scene, T's cute that way. I figure that by the time we get to S9 and T&Z have been married five years, a lot of the secrets we're finding out on the show will already have been shared. T's juvenile behaviour is just a front to hide his insecurity, at least Z can see through that. I'm glad you liked Z's promise, thanks for reviewing! :)_


	5. 5x5 Leap of Faith

_A/N: Hey guys! Thanks so much for continuing to read and telling me what you think, I appreciate your feedback so much. I've been sick this week and off work so your comments have brightened my days. Just wanted to address a few questions I've been getting on a regular basis:_

_1) The whole point of this series is that T&Z are able to keep their marriage secret during my re-write of S4-9. To anyone wondering when people will find out...if it's not in canon, it's not happening. But after S9...anything is possible!_

_2) To those wondering how no one has managed to notice yet - in general, T&Z really aren't acting any differently at work. They flirt and fight and tease and it's same old/same old to anyone watching from the outside. All the married stuff happens when no one else is watching._

_3) Gibbs may be suspicious but he's suspicious of everyone and everything. He's just as liable to ask a direct question as T is to volunteer information - it's not likely. He's a watch and see kind of guy and T&Z have a lot of practice acting like nothing has changed._

_I hope that helps. If you guys have any other questions please let me know and I'll do my best to answer them. Thanks for everything, you guys are awesome! :) ~Aliyah_

Once they were outside the building, Tony made the most of an opportunity to tease McGee. "Colour back now that you're on terra firma there Probilicious?"

McGee frowned. "Hey, I woulda done it."

"Only, uh, you didn't," Tony pointed out.

Ziva eyed the both of them. "I think he is more afraid of heights than you are Tony."

The expression he turned on her clearly stated that some things were not supposed to be told. Her responding look was an unsympathetic 'If you can dish it out...' Tony rolled his eyes. "Please, I rock-climbed."

Ziva chuckled. "Yes, twenty feet with a harness to impress a girl." There was no need to say that it had actually been about fifty feet, he hadn't used a harness the whole time and the girl McGee would be thinking of was not the one he was trying to impress. It had been a memorable date.

He stared at her smugly. "Well, it worked." She had to agree that it did. Ziva was impressed at what he'd tried for her and though he'd developed a better relationship with heights since then, they still weren't his favourite thing. But Tony would do it again just to see her smile.

**NCIS**

The partners wandered slowly around Lieutenant Arnett's apartment. Tony found it depressing. "There's absolutely no evidence a woman lived here."

Ziva made her way through the kitchen. "Manager said she moved out a week ago."

Tony pulled out his gloves. "Gibbs was right, in a divorce the guy gets screwed. She left him diddly squat." Thinking of divorce made him wonder what their home would look like if Ziva left. He didn't want to imagine it without her touch - the pictures on the walls, the bed spread she liked, the colours in the bathroom. And even though the 'd' word wasn't in their vocabulary, Tony hated just the idea of being without her.

Ziva glanced over the pictures on the bookcase. "Maybe she had a good reason to leave him."

That startled him. What would qualify as a good reason? He continued his tour. "Poor guy's sleeping on a blow up bed."

"Good marriage needs good communication," she pointed out and Tony frowned. _Is she trying to tell me something?_

He found the bathroom and started poking around. "Here's another reason he'd wanted to end it all - rejuvinator. Arnett was losing his hair." Tony checked the bathroom mirror. One of his greatest fears was going bald.

"Maybe he did not talk to her any more," Ziva suggested.

He was still checking for thin spots. "He was younger than I am." Tony thought about his age, wondering if the difference of years between them ever bothered her.

"Or didn't listen," Ziva added, starting to realize Tony wasn't paying attention.

_Now is she talking about us?_ Tony questioned. "Aha! She did leave him something." He stepped out of the bathroom and held it up.

Ziva looked confused. "A sad commentary on the state of matrimony?"

Tony shook his head. "No, a pink toothbrush."

He said it like it meant something and Ziva stared at her husband. "What?"

Tony inched closer. "How's the state of our matrimony?"

She linked and answered slowly, unsure of why he asked. "Fine."

It was his turn to lift an eyebrow. "So all that stuff you were saying about communication and not listening? And what exactly is a good reason to leave?"

Ziva closed the remaining distance between them and put her hand on his chest. "Communication can always get better. We do not always talk to each other, or listen well. And sometimes we should pay more attention to what is not said." She tilted her head to the side. "As for leaving, I can only think of two things to cause that - abuse and cheating." Ziva eyed him lazily. "For both I would kill you, except that I trust you never to betray me like that. And I would not harm you that way, nor do I have a desire for any other man. So you have my promise that I will not leave. Do I have yours?"

Relief had him leaning in to kiss her soundly. "Absolutely. No where without you would be home Zi."

She patted his cheek. "Good. Now let us go, Gibbs does not like to be kept waiting."

They returned to NCIS and sometime later Tony was kneeling beside Ziva's desk, taking advantage of any Gibbs-free moments to be close to her. Then their boss walked back in the room and for some reason Tony didn't even think to move. Ziva was surprised when Gibbs didn't give them a second look, but perhaps everyone had gotten so used to the partners having no personal space that it didn't even register any more.

The day ran rather long and by the time Tony and Ziva got home, their only priority was falling into bed for a few hours sleep. Finding out about the wife's past was an important breakthrough the next day but one that made the married co-workers uneasy. Their chase ended in the parking garage with Ziva pointing a gun at the suspect's face. "Give me an excuse, huh?" Her heart was in her throat for the long minute it took McGee to reach Level 7 and haul Tony back over the side where he'd been hanging and could've potentially fallen to his death. For that and Lieutenant Arnett's death, Ziva really wanted to shoot the woman.

Back at the office Tony watched as Abby got a kiss on the cheek for cracking the case. "She will always be his favourite," Ziva commented, then tugged him down to whisper, "but you are mine." That put a smile back on Tony's face until they left.

She held his hand a little tighter on the drive home and once inside, left him barely time to kick off his shoes before she was pulling him into the bedroom. Ziva carelessly undressed him and herself with impressive speed, caring not where their clothes landed. She had no patience for foreplay this time and only put up with the bare minimum before she was dragging Tony on top of her, needing to feel his weight and solid presence all around her. Tony understood why Ziva was desperate for reassurance after the scare tonight had given them both, and kept their pace frantic, being less gentle than normal because she seemed to need it. When they finally separated, Ziva refused to have any space between them.

Tony lay on his back, an arm around Ziva who was plastered to his side with one leg thrown over his. Slowly their breathing returned to a more even cadence and heart rates lowered, but the tension in her body he'd hoped making love would fix was still present. Hating the conflicting thoughts swirling around in his head, Tony braved a question, knowing it was now or never. He brushed his fingers over her bare back. "Zi?"

She kissed his collarbone and snuggled closer. "Mmm?"

"Does Mossad ever do deep cover like that? Marriage and spending years on an assignment?"

His query caught her off guard and every muscle in Ziva's body coiled tightly, for a moment she even stopped breathing. Finally she swallowed hard. "It is not unheard of." Ziva could almost feel her husband wondering and pushed herself up on one elbow, her hand resting over his heart. "I could tell you that is not what I am doing, that I never planned to stay here let alone fall in love, and it would be the truth. But I do not know how to make you believe me after what you saw today."

"I don't know," his chuckled was half-hearted, "I'm a valuable source of information."

Ziva stared into his eyes. "I am a spy Tony, if I wanted to steal information from NCIS I could do it without ruining both our lives."

Tony looked up at the ceiling, remembering the case from Ziva's first year. Three Asian women in a sleeper cell married American men for their covers, but only one fell in love and had a baby, only one decided that life was worth giving up everything for. He thought back to the beginning, how Ziva seemed determined not to need any of them, how she tried not to get close even though she wanted to get along. Tony remembered how long he fought to make her believe he could be different than the playboy she sat across from every day and the time he put in to convince her they could be more than friends.

Finally Tony engulfed his wife in his embrace. "I believe you," he whispered into her hair. "But even if I knew you would someday break my heart, I still wouldn't trade this last year of loving you for a hundred years without you."

She cried then, warm tears falling on his skin. He tipped her chin up and kissed away the drops before claiming her mouth for a long slow kiss. When they made love this time it was slowly, with all the tenderness and care they possessed. Tony and Ziva fell asleep that night wrapped in contentment and a love neither ever wanted to be without. This was what life was supposed to look like.

_Sarah - you're welcome. Thanks :) Yes, they've definitely run the fake romance course far enough, but the flirting and stuff, which is pretty much part of his personality, it going to have to be turned up a notch or two. lol...the only time we've seen T on a horse he was acutely uncomfortable with the idea, tho having Z along might help. I'm glad you liked their anniversary, I agree that they needed that time for each other. Personally, I love how much T&Z can say without speaking. If someone ever made a video of all those 'loud looks' they give each other over the seasons...wow, that would be something :) Thanks for reviewing!_


	6. 5x6 Chimera

The news of an away case sent Tony and Ziva down to the locker rooms to pack and McGee to Abby's lab where he kept his just in case stuff and could say goodbye to the forensic scientist who hated to be without her team. Once Ziva let Tony know the coast was clear, he followed her into the woman's room where both of their bags were in her locker. Since he always complained forgetting something, Ziva finally got tired of it and started packing for both of them. Knowing they had a few extra minutes, Tony pressed Ziva into the lockers with his body and kissed her, trying to make up for the time alone they likely would not get tonight. Though a ship did have all sorts of small, dark, private places he was sure they could disappear to occasionally without anyone noticing.

Almost as if she'd read his mind and discerned his intentions, Ziva smiled against his mouth. "Those are dangerous thoughts Mr. DiNozzo."

He pulled back just enough to meet her eyes. "Ms. David, I don't know what you're talking about."

Ziva rolled her eyes and let him take over her lips again. "I love you," she whispered before they separated and Tony leaned his forehead on hers.

He stole another kiss. "I love you too." Stepping away, Tony offered his hand. "Let's get out of here before Gibbs comes looking, it wouldn't do to get caught together."

**NCIS**

Hours later the team was dropped on the deck of a seemingly abandoned ship and set loose by Gibbs to check things out inside while he and Ducky explored topside. They entered the first open room they came to, finding an abandoned card game and a half-finished letter. McGee left when Tony made fun of him and though the senior field agent felt a little bad for the continual teasing, he'd take whatever time he could get with Ziva.

She put the letter down and he came up behind her, his arms sliding around his waist. Ziva leaned back into him and Tony brushed his lips over her neck. "You are just asking for someone to catch us," she murmured, but he noticed she didn't stop him. His fingers snuck under the black windbreaker and cotton top to slowly rub tiny circles on her stomach. Ziva squirmed and turned slightly to press her mouth to his jaw. "Are you going to kiss me, or just stand there playing?" she asked, stilling his hands.

Tony laced his fingers with hers and tilted his head to capture her lips. It was a sweet moment and Ziva's hand snaked up to cup his cheek, keeping him close. Much as he wanted to linger, Tony knew they better find out where McGee had gone. Reluctantly they parted and he grinned, kissing her cheek quickly before letting her go. They followed the grimace inducing sound of retching to the head a few doors down from the bunkroom they'd been in.

He stared at Ziva. "Five minutes. You owe me ten bucks."

Ziva opened her mouth but didn't get the chance to argue as Gibbs and Ducky came hurrying down the passage. McGee reported that he'd found something and they all walked into the state of the art lab. After a brief look around Ducky gave them an idea of what was being researched. Then a noise made them all look around. "Sounded as if it was coming from the cargo hold above us," Tony offered, almost immediately regretting his words.

"Duck, you're with me," Gibbs nodded, heading out. "Check out the cargo hold."

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Tony sighed, following Ziva out of the room and leaving McGee to bring up the rear.

It was during their foray into the cargo hold with Tony's ridiculous rendition of 'Baa, Baa, Black Sheep' as accompaniment that Ziva discovered his fear of rats. The guys walked gingerly into the silent hold and she looked around. "Someone or something is on this ship with us, I can feel it."

McGee looked around Tony. "Uh, yeah, I can see it." Tony turned and jumped a mile when he caught a glimpse of the rodent. "Scared much DiNozzo?" McGee asked, obviously glad to have something he could use as ammunition against his teammate.

Ziva smirked. "Oh come on Tony, it is just a cute little rat. Why the irrational fear?"

He stared her into silence. "It's not cute, it's not little, and it's not irrational."

"Cowardly, then," she put in, but only because McGee was within hearing range and she couldn't afford to be nice to Tony when they had witnesses.

"Not if you're someone who survived a bout with pneumonic plague, thank you very much. Rats are a known carrier. I used to love rats, before the plague. I was a regular Willard."

"What is a Willard?" she asked, scanning the area with a practiced eye.

"It's a movie," McGee answered, sounding less than impressed.

Tony could not pass up the opportunity to educate his wife on yet another movie that she hadn't seen. "Willard had a pet rat named Ben. Social misfit, made fun of by his co-workers, had a creepy boss."

"No wonder you relate," Ziva scoffed.

Tony frowned. "You think Gibbs is creepy?"

"I think she meant the social misfit, made fun of part," McGee enlightened him.

He made a face but Ziva's, "Shh!" put a stop to any retaliatory remarks. "Did you hear that?"

"No," the guys answered together.

"There is something aboard." She looked back at them. "Other than a rat."

"What do your astute ninja-Mossad senses tell you it is?" Tony asked in a voice that was clearly mocking her.

Ziva was serious. "In Mossad part of the training is to be open to things you cannot see or even understand."

They trailed her slow path down the hall. "You mean the supernatural?" McGee queried.

"Call it what you want. Not everything can be explained by the laws of the natural world."

"You believe in ghosts?" Tony asked her skeptically. It wasn't something he would've expected from his no-nonsense former assassin.

"I do not, not believe in ghosts. Or demons. Or monsters," came her reply as she tested the handles on any doors they passed. "We are on a ship called he Chimera."

McGee didn't understand the reference. "I thought 'chimera' meant delusion or fantasy."

"In Greek mythology a chimera is a monster with the head of a lion, the body of a goat, and the tail of a dragon."

Tony fleshed out her theory. "So you think they named this ship the Chimera because there's a monster on board."

"They did not name it the Puppy," Ziva shot back and Tony silently admitted that she had a point.

The three of them split up briefly to finish their survey of the level of the ship they were on and Ziva followed her partner under the guise of protecting him from any more rats. As soon as they were alone she caught his hand. "Tony?"

He smiled warmly. "Hmm?"

"You never told me."

Tony's eyebrows drew together. "Told you what?"

Ziva stopped in front of him and her hands came to rest on his neck. "About the plague."

She could feel his pulse speed up and see how hard he swallowed. "Oh, uh, that." Tony cleared his throat. "Not really among my fondest memories Zi."

Kissing his cheek, she continued down the corridor ahead of him. "When you are ready."

He didn't have a chance to respond because McGee joined them and a door was opened to reveal Gibbs and the scene of the crime in the ship's mess. McGee took pictures while Ducky expounded on the puddle of sickness beside one of the tables. Ziva followed a trail of blood with Gibbs through the kitchen and to the freezer, where a body wrapped in plastic fell out when the door was opened.

Ducky did an quick exam but enlisted Tony's help in removing Dr. Takada to the lab while McGee got Gibbs a satellite link to Abby and the director so he could give his report and get some information. Shortly before midnight Ducky had done enough of an autopsy to come up with a cause of death - viral hemorrhagic fever - which also came with the unwelcome news that it was contagious and they'd likely all meet the same fate by morning.

While McGee and Ziva continued sweeping the ship for anything they could find, Tony was tasked as Ducky's assistant. It irked the senior field agent that the bumbling Jimmy Palmer would probably be better at getting the ME a blood analysis than he was, but at least he had Abby to talk him through it in a classic 'Lab Equipment For Dummies' kind of way. She rambled in typical Abby-style about the sort of things blood could tell them, and he thought he was following instructions until she warned that inhaling the odour of the blood was not a good idea. His chances of surviving the night seemed to be dwindling far faster than he was comfortable with.

The team reconvened in the lab after the rather useless MTAC conference between Gibbs, Ducky, Director Shepard and Commander Skinner. Ziva informed Gibbs that they'd searched almost every room on the ship but of course that wasn't good enough and Tony conceded that they could always search it again. Tim volunteered to remain behind with Ducky but was shot down, and they all left for Round Two.

"Anyone else feeling itchy?" Tony asked, having the unnerving sense that his skin was crawling with invisible death germs. He didn't get an answer and examined his arm. "Maybe that's a bug bite."

"Or a rat bite," McGee suggested, earning himself a dirty look.

They were on their way down the stairs when Tony started freaking out. "No, no, no, look at that spot."

Ziva barely glanced at him and her tone was dismissive. "It is a freckle."

"It's not a freckle," he insisted.

She rolled her eyes and looked at his arm again. "Freckle."

Tony glared at her. "I never had a freckle there."

Ziva was exasperated with his whining. "You have always had that freckle!"

"Uh, how would you know if I had a freckle or didn't have a freckle? And by the way, I never had that freckle!"

They were at the bottom of the stairs now, locked in a staring stalemate, having another of their silent conversations. Ziva arched one eyebrow. _You really want me to announce how I know you have a freckle there?_

_It's not a freckle_! Tony's green gaze was adamant.

_You are overreacting_, her chocolate irises admonished.

Fear shadowed his eyes. _I'm not ready to die._

A slight shake of her head was his answer. _You will not. I refuse to let you leave._

Gibbs interrupted them by asking Ducky for the symptoms of VHF and Ziva's fingers grazed Tony's back. She wished they had a moment of privacy so she could talk him down from his worry about dying, but there were too many people and they couldn't risk- A flash of colour caught Ziva's eye and she took off, ignoring Gibb's annoyed calls for her. Tony's attention immediately switched to his wife, concerned when she wasn't in line of sight on the creepy, likely haunted, monster ship.

He could see her frustration when unable to describe what had sent her running down the passage and disbelief that none of the rest of them had seen it. They found a biohazard room and left McGee to figure out how to get the door unlocked. As they followed their fearless leader, Tony decided to interject some fun into the tense atmosphere. "If you want Ziva, I could check you for spots."

Ziva couldn't believe he dared to suggest that when Gibbs was in earshot and had to force herself to sound casual. "No thanks."

His voice lowered to a more intimate tone, still with a hint of teasing. "I'm sure you've got hot spots," the 'cut it out' look Ziva sent over her shoulder didn't deter him in the slightest, "warm spots-"

Gibbs cut him off. "DiNozzo."

But that failed to have an affect on Tony's thoughts, which continued the sentence, _...spots I'd like to put my hands on._

Then there was a dead rat Gibbs ordered him to take to Ducky and in the midst of his complaining Ziva turned around at the stairs and smiled. "You can show Ducky your freckle." Left unsaid was that it served him right for being so blatantly obvious in front of their boss.

Not too much later Gibbs and Ziva heard a noise and pulled their guns. A check with the flashlight showed Tony and he held up both hands, one still clutching the rat by his tail. His gaze settled on his wife. "Geez, I'm sorry for asking. Do I really deserve to be shot just for being curious?"

Ziva put her gun away slowly. The answering look on her face was more_ 'we shall see' _rather than the preferred_ 'not at all dear'_ and it made Tony slightly nervous.

**NCIS**

Their next surprise was an encounter with the crazed cook shortly after the power went out. Tony's first reaction when the man barreled out of the radio room was to cover Ziva, but she didn't need his help, pressing the man into a wall with her gun at his cheek. He didn't relax his stance, frustrated that he rarely got the chance to protect his own wife. While Gibbs and Ziva interrogated the cook and got an answer about the biohazard room, Tim and Tony were left to try to get the ventilation and lights turned back on. Tony's fear of dying overpowered his logic momentarily, but McGee's matter-of-fact approach at least got his mind off it while they worked to fix the problem.

Instead they found a bag of transponders from the crew's lifejackets. Their attempt to get the cook to confess to murder was interrupted by Ducky's appearance, and the glad news that they were not going to die as the disease had been injected into Takada, not contracted it from an airborne virus. The power came back on and things were beginning to get clearer, but it took a pallet of gallon drums almost falling on Tony while they were on deck and an actual sighting of another person before he gave in to Ziva's paranoia.

"Okay, okay, I believe you." He could see in her expression that Ziva was miffed because he should've trusted her right away, but that was pushed aside to deal with the imminent threat.

They caught the dirty communication's officer and he came in handy when they needed a way to slow the pirates down. After removing what had been found in the biohazard room when McGee finally cracked the door code, the team all played their parts in the plan and carefully snuck onto the deck and prepared to take out the pirates one by one, if necessary. In the end they were only required to deal with one and Tony had to grin as Ziva flattened him with a high ballet kick and a couple well placed hits. He never tired of watching her fight, those ninja moves were something else.

Getting away on the small pirate craft was exhilarating and the recap of what had happened amused them, but then the ship blew up and Gibbs' comment made them realize it was that close to being them. Dark had fallen again before Gibbs sent his team home and it was a quiet, contemplative Tony and Ziva who drove back to their bungalow and took a shower. Tony's hands moved slowly over his wife's body as he used the cloth to wash away sweat and grime and fear. His fingers trailed gently through her dark, wet waves as first shampoo and then conditioner tamed the tangles and cleansed her hair. Ziva was just as thoughtful, carefully scraping her nails across his scalp and running the cloth over his chest and back. Her fingers traced his muscles and a few old scars before sliding around his waist just to hold him.

The couple left when the temperature of the water began to change, drying off and dressing for bed with barely a word between them. But once they finally lay down together, Tony voiced a thought hanging over both their heads. "What if we'd really died out there today?"

Ziva's palm was pressed to his heart, her head on his shoulder. "At least we would have been together. I know there is nowhere else I would rather be."

He hugged her close. "Me neither. But I want a whole lot of tomorrows with you Ziva DiNozzo. I'm not ready for this to end."

She kissed the underside of his jaw. "We never will be. And it is Ziva David-DiNozzo to you." If she ever changed her name, Ziva wanted it to reflect both of them.

Tony smiled faintly. "Deal."

There was not much else to say when they came that close to dying, but Ziva would be forever thankful for one more night spent in her husband's arms, hidden away from the rest of the world, the only place she had ever found peace, acceptance and unconditional love.

_Sarah - you're welcome :) I'm glad to hear it. I like when T&Z get to have semi-serious conversations. Well, the problem with knowing the future is that we know two things - the first time she leaves it won't be her choice. The second time she leaves...Z never knew before that moment that she'd ever have a reason to break her promise. I'm only just starting S6 and dreading the last several episodes that leaves their partnership in ruins, but I've already written the first chapter of S7 so I know it doesn't last forever. Because they've come so close to losing each other so often, they're learning the hard way not to take anything for granted. Oh...and the explosion wasn't a couple weeks ago now, this episode (in my timeline) happened sometime after August, so it's been 4 months. But still, that's not an easy thing to face. I'm glad you liked the end, I figured T wouldn't be T if he wasn't at least curious. Thanks fo reviewing! :)_


	7. 5x7 Requiem

Ziva arrived at the scene as Gibbs and Maddy were being loaded into separate ambulances. Tony stood nearby, a coarse gray blanket wrapped around his shoulders. She joined them just in time to hear the faint, "Good job Tony," that Gibbs directed at his senior field agent. Ziva smiled, knowing those words would mean everything to him.

As soon as their boss was out of sight, Ziva put her hand on Tony's back. "Are you alright?"

He turned and gave her a half-grin. "I'm feeling pretty good right about now. But the next person I do mouth-to-mouth on better be you." Tony shuddered. "That is not an experience I want to repeat."

She smiled. "Once we are home ahuvi sheli, you may practice as much as you like."

The look he was giving her suggested Tony was about to act on his desire here and now, but the rest of the team chose that moment to put in an appearance and the opportunity was lost. Ducky took one look at Tony dripping onto the pavement and frowned. "Anthony, you need to get checked out right away." He opened his mouth to protest but Ducky would have none of it. "No arguing. Your lungs suffered extensive damage from the plague and being in that cold water will have done you no favours. As one of the medical professionals who monitor your health, I insist."

Turning to Tony's partner, Ducky continued. "Go with him Ziva, make sure he sees a doctor. The last thing he needs is to get pneumonia again. Who knows what's in that water?" He shook his head and walked towards the first body, leaving the two to do as instructed.

Ziva looked sympathetically at her husband. "You heard him, doctor's orders."

Tony shivered. "I hate hospitals."

She took his hand, leading him to the car. "You will not be alone."

His fingers tightened around hers. "Good."

Ziva took Tony to a different hospital from the one keeping Gibbs and Maddy overnight for observation, because if they had to spend hours in a waiting room, she wanted free reign to touch her partner without wondering who was watching. It seemed like forever before Tony could get in to be seen and on hearing about his previous illness, the doctor ordered a full panel of bloodwork, along with chest x-rays and put him on a course of antibiotics as a preventative measure.

Dark had long since fallen before they returned home and Ziva insisted Tony immediately strip off his damp clothes and go take a hot bath. She made him some chamomile tea and brought it into the bathroom, where Tony was relaxing in the tub, head leaning back on a folded towel, eyes closed. Ziva sat on the edge and leaned down to kiss his forehead, fingers swirling through the deliciously warm water.

Tony opened one eye. "You could join me in here you know."

She bit back a smile. "I think you would find it hard to rest if I did." He made a face and she brushed her thumb over his cheek. "But I will wash your back and your hair."

Taking what he could get, Tony nodded. He lay down, putting his head under the tap as Ziva gently wet his hair. She squeezed the special shampoo he used into her palm, rubbed her hands together, and slowly massaged the lather through his hair and into his scalp. Tony groaned in pleasure as her fingers worked their magic, and too soon it was over and Ziva guided his head back under the stream of water to wash the suds out. Then he sat up and she dried his hair carefully with a small towel. That done, she reached for the cloth hanging on a hook, wet it, and rubbed a squirt of bodywash into a lovely foam. Ziva rubbed the terrycloth down his neck, across his shoulders, and over his whole back. She took her time, drawing out the process until Tony was sure she was doing it just to torment him.

Finally he raised a dripping hand to her cheek and drew her down for a kiss. "Thanks babe."

Ziva smiled warmly. "You saved lives today ahava, I am very proud of you."

Her words meant almost as much as Gibbs'. Tony stayed in the bath a bit longer, then finally washed and got out. He was too tired to worry about food, but gratefully drank the tea Ziva had left and went in search of his wife. Tony found her sitting up in bed wearing one of his favourite negligees and working on a crossword puzzle in a Hebrew magazine. Since he was only in a towel, Tony found pyjama pants and a t-shirt to change into, still feeling a bit chilled. Ziva made no secret of watching him getting dressed and didn't bother hiding her smile. It was nice to be so openly appreciated, but he was too drained to consider doing anything besides sleeping.

Slipping between the covers, Tony sank into bed with a sigh. "Much better."

Ziva looked him over, assuring herself that he was fine. Setting aside her magazine, she switched off the lamp and snuggled down beside her husband, skimming her fingers lightly over his forehead, cheeks, eyelids, and lips. Tony reached for her and Ziva moved to press her body into his. His breathing evened out before she could ask the question rolling around in her mind, and Ziva slipped her arm around his waist, allowing herself to be lulled to sleep by the steady beat of his heart.

**NCIS**

The next morning Tony woke not just to the sun's warmth on his face, but the heaviness of his wife's gaze. Scrunching his eyes tightly closed, he made a face. "Zi, you're staring." She didn't respond and finally he cracked open one eye, frowning at the worry in her expression. "What?"

Ziva touched him gently. "You were dreaming last night."

It was common knowledge between them that Tony talked in his sleep, but usually she gently teased him about it, he wasn't sure what to do with her concern. "I don't remember."

She bit her lip. "I think it was when you were sick."

'Sick' didn't refer to a cough or cold, 'sick' was when he nearly died from a centuries old disease because of one crazy, rich lady with a grudge. He sighed and rubbed his face. "Oh."

Ziva pulled her knees up and looped her arms around them. "I know you do not like to talk about it motek, but...will you tell me now?"

He stared at her, knowing she had a right to hear the story. "Let's get some breakfast first," he suggested, "and lots of coffee."

Complying, Ziva wrapped a robe around her slim frame and left for the kitchen. Tony took a few moments to prepare himself for the emotions their conversation was going to bring up, then joined her, making coffee while Ziva whisked eggs for omelettes. Half an hour later they sat on the couch, armed with hot beverages. Ziva sipped her tea slowly, waiting patiently for him to begin.

Finally Tony sighed. "It was an ordinary day at the office. I was hassling McGee and making fun of Kate because she was sick. The mail came around and there was this SWAK'd envelope with no special address and I took it, claiming I recognized the lip-print."

Ziva's forehead furrowed. "SWAK?"

He chuckled. "One of our American acronyms, for letters that come with an imprint of lips. It means 'Sealed With A Kiss'. So anyhow, being me I tore it open and this puff of fine powder burst into the air. We all froze until Gibbs took charge and ordered an evacuation. The team was sent to the decontamination showers to scrub ourselves raw in hopes of getting rid of whatever it was. It was funny," he mused, "the conversation we had that day."

Tony tipped his coffee mug up again. "Lucky me got sent to the hospital for tests after Ducky checked us out, and Gibbs insisted Kate come too, she was more susceptible because her immune system was compromised. I, of course, took every opportunity to annoy her completely. The seriousness didn't really hit home until we were quarantined in this glass room with eerie blue lights that were supposed to help kill any viruses wearing matching blue pyjamas."

He looked out the window. "I took the first bed and Kate chose one on the opposite side of the room. We didn't know what we were fighting, or how bad it could be until I started getting sick, then our bloodwork came back and confirmed I had pneumonic plague. I got to coughing, had trouble breathing, and slowly got worse, eventually coughing up blood. My lips and fingertips turned blue from lack of oxygen." Tony swallowed. "It was terrifying to only be able to grab tiny quick breaths between gasps and coughing fits."

Ziva laced their fingers together and Tony appreciated the support. "I didn't find out until after she died that Kate insisted on staying with me even though she knew it could be contagious. We fought like cats and dogs and enjoyed bugging the crap out of each other, but Kate was my friend and I loved her like the sister I never had." He shook his head. "I still can't believe she did that for me. I wish I'd been able to thank her for not leaving me alone."

Her hand cupped his cheek. "I am sorry Tony."

They'd been over this before. "Not your fault." Tony finished his coffee and shrugged. "It was the pneumonia after the plague virus died that nearly killed me, and I was in the hospital for two weeks. I took another two of sick leave and showed up at the office because I was bored to tears without the team. That's the story." He rolled his shoulders. "When I dream about it, I always see those creepy blue lights and feel like my chest is on fire. Three years and I haven't forgotten what it was like to fight so hard trying to breathe."

Ziva ran her hands over his chest, under which lay fragile, scarred lungs. "I am very thankful you made it. I cannot imagine my life or the team without you."

He smiled and wrapped an arm around her. "Gibbs didn't give me permission to die. But thanks, that's nice to hear."

She traced a pattern on his sweatshirt. "I love you Tony. Please be careful."

Tony flattened her hand over his heart. "Always babe. I've got you to come home to, there's no greater motivation."

Ziva leaned up and kissed his lips lightly, then settled against him. Her husband was her greatest treasure. Losing him was unthinkable.

_Sarah - you're welcome :) I was thinking about that, but any way I look at it T&Z trying to keep in contact puts their secret, and therefore their marriage, in jeopardy. I think it will be a long 4 months for all involved. Those stolen moments are my favourite to write about, I love them being married. haha...glad you liked the eye convo, it's such a T&Z thing. I'm glad you liked the end. I think sometimes this still feels like a dream to Z, that she can have this peace, but that's because she doesn't know what's coming... Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	8. 5x8 Designated Target

When Ziva walked in giving whoever was on her phone the typical break up lines, Tony's eyebrows shot up and he immediately got in her space. "Personal call David?"

She made a face at him. "Yes, go away."

He ignored her. "Somebody being dumped?"

Ziva sighed and put her hand over the speaker. "How do you tell someone you no longer want to see them?"

Tony was curious now, wondering who she could be talking about, and it made him more abrasive than normal. "Easy." He grabbed her phone. "Listen dirtbag, this is Ziva's husband. I have your phone number now, I can find your address." He held up a finger as Ziva stared at him in shock. "If you ever try to contact her again I will reach down your throat, grab your intestines, rip them out and drive over your head. Lose this number or lose your life." Tony snapped the phone closed and handed it back with a smile. "You're welcome."

Ziva closed her eyes and folded her hands together, trying not to hurt him. "That was my Aunt Nettie. She is trying to stop seeing her eighty-six year old Mah-jong partner."

Tony's expression filled with fear. "Why didn't you stop me?"

She stared at him. "Too stunned."

His heart dropped to his stomach and he winced. "Where do I send flowers?"

Ziva leaned close, glaring dangerously. "If you contact her again, I will make you sorry."

Backing off because the threat was real and not just for show, Tony retreated to his desk, already thinking of ways to apologize.

**NCIS**

Later when they were alone in the bullpen, Ziva crossed over to his side and faced him with folded arms. "My husband?"

Tony shrugged. "It was the first thing that popped into my head."

She smirked. "It has been a year and now you cannot keep quiet?"

He was about to answer but her cell phone rang and Ziva answered it. "David." Tony knew who it was when she switched to Hebrew and began digging through her personnel file to find Nettie's address. "Shalom Doda."

"_Ziva, who was that man?_"

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Shootaf sheli_. He thought I was trying to break up with someone and decided to help_." (My partner)

"_He said he was your husband_," Nettie reminded her niece.

"_It was an act _Doda_, that is all_," Ziva tried to convince her. Nettie started to ask another question but was cut off. "Ani mitzta'eret Doda,_ but I am at work. We will talk later_, ken?" She listened for a moment. "Toda. Ken, ani gam ohevet otach." (I'm sorry/I love you too)

Ziva hung up and dropped into her chair. "She is like a wolf with a scent."

"Dog with a bone," Tony corrected, looking up. "Is that going to be a problem?"

Ziva shrugged. "I am a professional liar, remember? But I wish it was not necessary."

He rubbed his ring finger. "Me too."

They lapsed into silence again until Gibbs sent them out to talk to cab company, holding hands the whole way. Once there, Ziva laughed at Tony's method of getting the truth from the cap dispatcher. On the way out, Tony looked at her. "How long have you been in this country?"

Ziva lifted one eyebrow. "Why?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Well, you never heard of gypsy cabs, you don't use contractions. Assimilate already."

Her brow furrowed. "What are contraptions?"

He groaned. "Never mind."

At the car Ziva stopped and considered him. "Do you really want me to change?"

Tony grinned and shook his head. "Nah. I was just practicing our cover." She didn't seem convinced so he took her hands. "Seriously Zi, I wouldn't change anything about you, not even one hair. You're my wife, my ninja, my English-impaired, adorable partner and I love you." He tucked her hair back. "Okay?" Ziva nodded and got in while Tony resolved to be more careful of what he chose to nettle her about. He had no desire to mess with her confidence or self-esteem.

They tried their luck at the coffee shop next and got nowhere very fast. Once back in the car, Ziva leaned close. "You are xenophobic."

Tony scoffed. "I am not Xena-phobic, it's one of my favourite shows. Leather skirts, sword-fighting, female empowerment - what's not to like?" He paused and grinned. "Maybe I'm a little Ziva-phobic."

Ziva stared into the rearview mirror. "Do you see what I see?"

He glanced at her. "Crazy Israeli chick with impulse issues?"

She rolled her eyes. "The reflection."

Tony looked up. "Oh. Well, we could go ask him who he'd calling."

"Or we could have McGee ask for us," Ziva suggested. Their gazes fell to where she was holding onto him. She smirked and tucked her hand even more around his arm. "Problem DiNozzo?"

He grinned. "Not at all David, not at all."

**NCIS**

Ziva liked Sayda right away and did not mind at all being the one to talk to her in the conference room. At the end of the interview, Sayda smiled, holding her locket. "We are soulmates, Tomas and I. Have you met your soulmate Miss?" She was so sincere, so hopeful, that Ziva had to look away. She didn't want to lie, not to this woman who had come so far and never given up. Sayda touched her hand and gazed at her with eyes that saw all the way to her soul. "You will know the minute you do."

Ziva cleared her throat and nodded, then left to take the information to Gibbs. She found Tony in the breakroom, about ready to pitch a fit because the vending machine wouldn't take his money. Without a fuss she switched him coins for a bill, smirking when she fed it in easily. Pushing the code for her snack, Ziva got the candy and stood close beside him. "Have you ever thought about soulmates?"

Tony took her hand and touched her ring finger. "Soulmates like us, half of two different hearts that fit perfectly together, or some other kind?"

She watched their fingers intertwine. "Sayda said you will know the moment you meet your soulmate." Her eyes cut to him. "Did you?"

Tony thought back to their first meeting and rubbed his thumb gently over her knuckles. "I knew I was captivated when you slouched in McGee's chair trying to distract me. I knew I was intrigued when you stood in the rain and told me about Tali. I knew what it meant to be physically attracted to you when we were undercover, that I wanted you to look at me that way and kiss me for real, not just because you were acting."

His fingers slid through hers, across her palm and into her sleeve to caress her wrist, a move that had Ziva's eyelids fluttering as she tried not to get lost in the moment. "I knew you had my back when I was framed. I knew we were friends the night of my party. And I knew when you told me a secret that I wanted to learn the rest. I knew I would be on your side no matter who said what when that drug dealer's brother died. I knew when Gibbs left that it was my chance, maybe my only chance to ask you for more than just friendship. And I know that I've never been happier than the moment you said yes." He dipped his head to kiss her softly. "Don't you think knowing can be several different moments and not just the very first one?"

Ziva liked his answer and the corners of her lips lifted as she rested one hand over his heart. "I knew when you believed me, that I did not kill that man." Her other hand came up to his face. "Trust is not something to take lightly and you trusted my word when everyone else had reason to question it. Thank you."

Tony winked, glanced around, and kissed her cheek quickly. "That's what partners are for." They shared a look before she walked away, unable to help the contented expression on her face. Being loved by him was something that never got old.

**NCIS**

Tony saw the look in his wife's eyes later when Sayda forgave Tomas and walked away. He couldn't talk to her then, but when evening fell they were back at the office and he came across her again in the breakroom, holding a cooling mug of tea and staring out the window deep in thought. Tony went to Ziva and took the cup, setting it on the counter so he could hold her hands. "I want to make you a promise."

Ziva slowly raised her eyes to meet his and shook her head sadly. "I cannot let you."

He frowned. "Why not?" After what they'd seen today, he wanted to give her the reassurance that his love would not be so easily let go of.

She directed her gaze at a button on his shirt, trying to will away images of a life he might have if there was an after her. "Because I am trying very hard to find the strength to wish for you to be happy with someone else if I were to-"

Tony cut off her words with a gentle finger on her lips. "Don't say it Zi, I don't ever want to hear that word from your mouth. There's never going to be a without you or a someone else. I love you. You are my life, my hope, my heart. And if ever a day came when your heart was no longer beating, mine would stop too." His breath fanned across her face as his voice lowered. "Don't ask me if I can do this without you because you already know the answer."

Ziva swallowed but couldn't hold back the tears and her arms slid up around his neck. Tony, glad they were alone, kissed them away, then pressed his lips to hers. She saw the truth and love shining in his gaze and nodded once. "Take me home."

Happily, Tony did just that.

**NCIS**

It was still rather early Saturday morning for the couple who enjoyed sleeping in on weekends when the phone rang. Groaning, Ziva rolled over without opening her eyes and felt around on the nightstand for the annoying noise. She snuggled back down in her pillow, Tony's arm draped over her waist, and pressed the phone to her ear, praying it wasn't a case. "David."

"Ziva?" There was surprise in the caller's voice. "Did I wake you?"

Ziva sat straight up, startling her husband, and clamped a hand over his mouth when he protested her sudden movement. "Aunt Nettie? Is something wrong?"

The old lady was indignant. "Must something be wrong before I call my niece?"

Sighing, Ziva rubbed her eyes. "Of course not. But I just spoke to you yesterday." By now Tony realized something was going on and pulled himself into a lounging position against the headboard.

Nettie fingered the soft petals of her bouquet. "I am sitting here enjoying a beautiful flower arrangement that was delivered yesterday afternoon with a card from Anthony DiNozzo. The same man who claimed to be your husband, yes?"

Her eyes widened and she turned to Tony, mouthing _'You sent her flowers?!'_. He winced, confirming the news and Ziva sighed. "He is my partner Doda, a co-worker, that is all." Tony frowned, knowing the practiced line was necessary but still hating to hear her say it like he meant nothing to her. Ziva leaned back so he could listen to the conversation, putting her hand over his and squeezing reassuringly to counteract her words.

Nettie's hand fell to her hip. "Ziva Miriam David, I have known you since you were one hour old and I can tell when you are lying. I demand that you spill what you are hiding from me or I will show up on your doorstep tomorrow and drag it out of you."

Tony met his wife's gaze. _'Would she do that?'_

The expression he received in response confirmed her aunt's words. _'You have no idea.'_

"Doda," Ziva tried, but Nettie was having none of it.

"Do not 'Doda' me Zivaleh," she insisted. "Out with it."

Ziva locked eyes with Tony. "Just a moment please." Covering the receiver, she shook her head slightly. "I think we have to tell her."

He dragged a hand down his face. "Are you sure?"

Her shoulders fell. "No, but I know my aunt, she will not let it go."

Tony touched her face. "I'm sorry Zi, this is all my fault."

Ziva's palm came to rest over his heart. "No, it was bound to happen sooner or later."

Concern filled his green eyes. "Will she tell your father?"

Her eyebrows drew together. "I do not know. But Aunt Nettie has always been there for me, since before my mother died. I believe she wants me to be happy."

He laced their fingers together and let out a breath. "Okay, let's do this."

Ziva returned the phone to her ear. "Ask Doda."

Her voice was gentle. "He is your husband, is he not?"

"What makes you think that?" she hedged.

Nettie smiled. "Because only a man in love would feel the need to make a trans-Atlantic apology to someone he has never met." She paused. "I know I am right little one. You are only silent when you do not already have a lie prepared."

"Yes," Ziva admitted finally.

"I thought as much," the old woman nodded. "Now you will call me back in five minutes on that Skype program. I want to meet the man who could lay claim to your heart."

"B'seder," she mumbled, disconnecting the call. _Alright._

Ziva dropped her face into her hand. "I should never have been talking to her at work. Tony, we were doing so well keeping this secret. How could that change so fast?"

He folded his arms around her and sighed. "I guess all it takes is one slip up. I'm sorry babe."

She clung to him, a sick feeling in her stomach as the consequences of their mistake paraded through her mind. Finally she sat back. "We had better get ready."

Tony chuckled. "Yeah, she's probably clocking those five minutes."

They got out of bed, Tony pulling sweatpants over his boxers and slipping into a t-shirt, Ziva putting on silky pyjama bottoms under her short negligee and wrapping a dressing gown around herself, before getting her laptop from the office and settling close together on the couch. She opened Skype and chose Nettie from her contact list. They watched it ring and then her wrinkled smiling face appeared when she accepted the call.

"Shalom," Nettie greeted the couple, seeing much at first glance. Ziva's hands were clasping Tony's, her face tight and nervous. Rings glinted on the fourth finger of her left hand and Tony had his hand on her knee, offering silent support.

Tony cleared his throat. "Hello Ms. David."

Nettie chuckled. "Ms. David, how formal. Please, call me Nettie." Then she frowned. "No, you must call me Aunt as Ziva does. After all, you are family now."

He hadn't expected that. "Okay, thanks."

She shook her head. "You are both so tense. Is one old woman really that scary?"

Tony slid his arm around Ziva's back, keeping her close to his side. "It's not really you ma'am. It's who you're related to."

"Ah." Understanding dawned. "You are afraid I will tell Eli." Nettie flapped her hand. "Let me put your minds at ease then. I have no intention of tattling to my baby brother about this development. Eli is a foolish man with too much duty on his mind to remember love and happiness. What I have wanted for my Ziva ever since her mother died was a peaceful life where she could be happy, and perhaps a man who would see past the soldier her father created and into the woman who deserves to be treasured." Her gaze sharpened as she stared Tony down. "Do you make my niece happy Mr. DiNozzo?"

He flashed the grin that had made hearts stutter for years. "It's Tony actually, and yes," Tony glanced at Ziva, "I like to think I've brought happiness to Ziva's life."

"Much more than that ahava," she whispered, caressing his cheek.

"And what is she to you Anthony?" Nettie asked.

Tony swallowed and kissed Ziva's temple. "Everything," he said huskily. "She's my whole life."

A smile spread over Nettie's face. "Then you are what I wanted for her." She sat back and sipped her tea. "Now, tell me everything. Why was I not invited to the wedding?"

Ziva shook her head. "No one was Doda. Besides, if you left Israel Abba would know about it."

Nettie made a noise of disapproval. "I do not answer to Eli. At sixteen years his senior I can do what I like. If I want to visit my niece in America, this is none of his business."

Tony looked impressed. "You're kind of feisty, aren't you?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "When you reach my age, you also may live your life to please yourself and your God and no one else. I have never bowed down to convention and I do not plan to start now."

He sighed in relief. "Well, it's nice to know you're on our side."

Nettie's expression filled with sorrow. "We are the last of our family, Eli and I. Our brother Asher died several years ago, and our parents have been gone much longer. With Ari and Tali already gone to meet HaShem, Ziva is all I have left. I keep her close to my heart and I will always support her decisions if they bring joy and peace to her life."

Ziva finally spoke up. "Tony has Doda. The last year has had many...challenges, but he loves me in a way I did not even know was possible. You can trust him with me."

She frowned. "You have been married a year and only now I find out? Zivaleh, I will tolerate no more secrets between us. We are family, blood. Just because you are there and I am here does not mean I have stopped caring."

Ziva's eyes lowered and shame coloured her words. "Ani mitzta'eret Doda, we thought only of keeping our secret safe. I am sorry."

"No one came to your wedding," Nettie remembered what Ziva had said. "Do you mean to tell me there is not another person who knows you are married?"

Tony nodded. "That's how it has to be, for now. Our boss has a rule about co-workers being involved and we didn't want to risk getting split up. And if Ziva's dad found out he'd have her back to Israel in a heartbeat. We can't risk a consequence so deep."

Nettie shook her head. "Mossad should not always own your loyalty little bird, I want more for you than missions and fighting and lies and killing."

"This is how it has to be," Ziva repeated without emotion. "Someday I hope things will be different, but I do not know what it would take for circumstances to change."

"We will have to think on that," the older woman decided, filing the comment away. "Please, let us speak of happier things. Tell me what led to this marriage."

For the next two hours Tony and Ziva took turns filling Nettie in on what she'd missed, detailing struggles as well as joys, and it was an enormous weight lifted off both their chests to have just one person with whom they did not have to hide. At the end Nettie clasped her hands together. "Thank you for this children, my heart is very happy to see what you have become. We will have to visit again soon, yes?"

"Ken," Ziva agreed, looking forward to more time with her aunt now that there were no secrets to hide, "toda."

"Whenever you need someone to talk to, please call me. That goes for you as well Anthony," Nettie insisted.

"Yes Doda," Tony winked. "Shalom."

"Shalom."

The screen went blank and he turned to his wife. "So?"

She fell back onto the couch. "I am glad she knows. It is good for someone to see what you are to me."

"And that is?" Tony asked, slowly pulling at the tie on her dressing gown.

"Lover, husband, best friend," Ziva punctuated each description with a kiss. "I will be forever thankful that you chose me."

He pushed the material from her shoulders and pressed his lips to her throat. "Don't forget that you said yes Zi, that'll always be my gift." She closed her eyes and leaned her head back as his kisses trailed lower. "Now can I take you back to bed?"

Ziva opened one eye. "Feed me first and I will stay there all day if that is what you want."

Tony looked up. "Really?"

There was a twinkle in her gaze. "Promise."

He helped her up and headed for the kitchen. "Mrs. DiNozzo, you have a deal." Everyone should be lucky enough to have Saturday mornings that looked like this. Tony did not plan to take even a second for granted because he never knew how many remained and he intended to make the most of each and every one of them, starting with cooking his wife something fabulous for breakfast. He would do anything to keep her smiling at him like he was her joy.

_Sarah - you're welcome. Thank you :) Yeah, someone else said that too. I couldn't really find any TZ moments in the ep, so it worked better this way. I liked the bathroom scene too, I like watching Z in caretaker mode. Those are definitely some difficult memories T is carrying around, it was definitely time they were shared. I'm glad you liked it, thanks for reviewing! :)_


	9. Compilation 5x9, 5x10, 5x12

_A/N: Trying something a little bit different today guys. Originally I had skipped all the episodes between 5x8 and 5x14, but then someone, or maybe a couple someones, wanted to know what would have happened, so this is what I came up with. I'm calling it a compilation chapter, little scenes from episodes that wouldn't have been long enough to post on their own, but together make up the length of a full chapter. I've still skipped some eps and the next one I post will be 5x14 Internal Affairs, but I hope you like how this turned out. Thank you for all the comments and thoughts and kind words. I'm having a lot of fun writing this series and it's great to see that so many people are enjoying it. Have a great weekend! ~Aliyah_

**5x9 Lost and Found**

After finding out that Brian Taylor was wanted for kidnapping, the team (minus McGee who was on minor duty), drove out to the Taylor home to fill in some of the holes in the story. While Gibbs and McGee interviewed Carson's step-mom, Tony went through Brian's office and Ziva ended up in Carson's bedroom, taking pictures. She noted the many pictures of the nine year old with girls, the movie posters and especially the bed and felt as if she had stepped into her husband's room from twenty-seven years ago.

Moments later Tony joined her. "Processed Taylor's office, his files, computer, maps of Black Ridge." Ziva turned to him with a mischievous smile and he made a face. "What?"

Her eyes gleamed. "Look around Tony, tell me what you see."

Feeling like he was being given some sort of test, Tony examined the room with a critical eye. "I see...Zero Hour! It's a great flick."

Ziva followed him. "Mmhmm."

He thrust his hand under the mattress and pulled out a handful of GSM magazines. "Hahaha!" Tony scanned the covers and his eyebrows rose. "Swimsuit editions. Bet his dad's been looking for these." With a mild glare Ziva Gibbslapped him and he winced, getting back to his observations. "Wait a second." He took a better look at the bed and his eyes widened. "Nohohoho. Noo. Do you know what this is? This is a red ferrari GT. It's just like Magnum."

Ziva laughed at his excitement. "Yes, just like Magnum."

Tony circled around to the other side. "I can't...even the rims are the same."

She chuckled. "You are missing the point."

He still couldn't believe his luck at the discovery. "Which is?"

"The room Tony, does it remind you of someone?"

He shook his head. "No, not really." Propping his foot on the end, Tony grinned at his wife. "You think this comes in a king?"

Ziva gave him an incredulous look. "I refuse to replace our bed so you can indulge in a childhood fantasy."

Tony frowned. "Who says it's childish?"

She stared him down. "It is a red plastic car shaped bed Tony."

He sighed dramatically. "Fine. But I want you to know you've totally ruined all my hopes and dreams. I think you should make it up to me."

Ziva's gaze surveyed him lazily. "What did you have in mind?"

Tony peeked out the door and heard the conversation in the livingroom still going strong. "I think you should kiss me, and make it a memorable one."

She rolled her eyes but obliged, kissing her husband with surprising force and passion, letting her lips and tongue do the talking for her. When she pulled away Tony stared at her dumbly and swallowed. She smirked at his apparent inability to speak. "Was that memorable enough for you?"

He grabbed her face and angled his head to catch her lips, slowly caressing them with his own. Finally he let her go and cleared his throat. "Uh-huh."

Ziva patted his cheek lightly and turned away. "I will take that as a yes." She looked over her shoulder and winked. "Perhaps we can continue that later?"

The eagerness in his expression was unmistakable, though she left before he could find the words to answer. Tony managed to pull himself together and followed her at a leisurely pace. There was nothing like having something to look forward to to make the day go faster. As things currently stood, he couldn't wait until tonight.

**NCIS**

After dealing with the annoyingly one-track minded cops and having McGee find a location on Brian Taylor, Tony and Ziva were sent to track him down in Black Ridge Woods. They were waiting for the elevator and Tony grinned. "Well, looks like it's just you and me David. Nothing more relaxing than a long road trip." He dangled the keys in front of her and Ziva snatched them away.

"I am driving."

His face fell. "I'm dead."

She elbowed him. "My driving is not that bad."

Tony bit his lip. "How about we compromise? I'll drive for half while you sleep, then you can drive for the other half while I sleep. Deal?"

Ziva pretended to consider it but gave in gracefully, returning the keys to him. "Deal. But the first coffee shop we see, you are buying."

He caught her hand. "I think I can live with that."

Less than an hour later Ziva had finished her tea and was fast asleep with the seat tilted back and Tony's jacket pillowed under her head. He drove along, keeping pace with the rest of the traffic and occasionally letting his gaze be drawn to the woman at his side. He kept hold of her hand, though her fingers were lax in his, and marveled at her ability to sleep anywhere. Tony supposed it had something to do with her Mossad training and missions that didn't allow for a lot of things the human body needed to function, like rest and food. She'd probably learned to grab sleep whenever the opportunity presented itself, but he never got over how peaceful she looked in times like these - relaxed expression, no walls or masks, nothing to hide. She was just Ziva, and he loved her this way.

After a few hours Tony pulled into a rest stop and slowly dragged one finger down his wife's neck. She moaned and shifted and he bit back a grin, leaning over to press his lips gently to hers. Ziva came awake in an instant and for a moment Tony held his breath, never sure if her reaction was going to be to lash out in defense before she recognized him or kiss him back. This time he got lucky and she cupped his face, indulging in his mouth for a moment before resting back against the seat.

"Are you Prince Charming in this scene?"

He grinned and pushed her ponytail back. "I better be, because you're definitely Sleeping Beauty and I don't want to share you with anyone."

She shook her head. "You are very sweet." Looking out the window, she frowned, trying to place their location.

"We're just over halfway there," Tony noted, "ready to switch?"

Ziva lifted one eyebrow. "Do you trust my driving now Tony?"

He couldn't resist claiming her lips for another kiss. "I trust you with my life Ziva David. Granted I'm still working on the driving thing, but I'm getting there."

She smiled and touched his face. "Good enough."

They got out and changed sides of the car and Tony got comfortable while Ziva adjusted the mirrors, seat and steering wheel. He lay back, bunched the jacket up between his head and the window and sighed but didn't close his eyes. She pulled back onto the freeway and glanced at him. "Tired?"

He made a face. "Yeah, but I don't like sleeping in cars."

"If you do not, you will be a grump in the morning," Ziva predicted.

"Grouch," Tony amended. "And I am not."

She merely shook her head, giving up on arguing with him. "Would you like me to sing you a lullaby?"

A smile touched his lips. "I like when you sing, but lullabies are for kids. Sing me something from Israel, something you remember your mom singing. I like to know your memories."

Ziva offered him her hand and he clasped it firmly. "Close your eyes." She was quiet for a moment, thinking back to hot summer days when Rivka would take over the kitchen and bake bread or make cookies. She always hummed while she cooked, and Ziva and Tali would sit at the table, listening to her voice and watching every move she made.

Finally Ziva found the song she wanted and began in a low voice, the words slipping from her tongue like honey, the tune one etched in her mind since childhood. She sang on and on, keeping an eye on Tony in her peripheral vision as she navigated traffic and took things a bit faster than her cautious partner. Finally he drifted off and she smiled, loving the effect her voice had on him. Tony made her feel as if she could do anything, and she'd never known what it meant to be cherished until he decided she was worth fighting for.

**5x10 - Corporal Punishment**

Tony sat beside Ziva in the examining room, utterly grateful that Gibbs had sent them to the hospital but declined going himself in favour of seeing Ducky. McGee was somewhere not too far away getting his shoulder seen to, but the senior field agent had refused medical attention until someone saw to his wife. She turned to him for the tenth time and raised her hand, but stopped herself before touching his face. "You really should have let someone look at your nose Tony."

He wrapped his fingers around her wrist. "My nose is broken, I'll be fine, but he hit you pretty hard. I want to make sure you don't have a concussion."

Ziva sighed. "I have had concussions before, I know what the symptoms are. I am fine Tony."

"You're not fine," he argued, scrutinizing the place she'd been struck. "You're going to have a nasty black eye in a couple hours."

"Black eyes heal," she reminded him. "But your nose will be tender for weeks."

"I can still kiss you," Tony insisted, as if she'd already ruled that out. "We made it work when you were the one with the broken nose."

Ziva smiled at the memory of his gentleness during those two weeks. She caressed his cheek. "You were very careful. I will do the same."

"Good," he sighed in relief, "because I don't think I can handle two weeks without touching you like that."

One eyebrow rose. "You will have to handle at least a week without other activities, maybe longer."

Tony's mouth fell open at her prediction but the doctor walked in before he had a chance to protest. Dr. Brennan examined Ziva for signs of a concussion, gingerly prodded her bruised skin, and declared her fit for work, but cautioned her to take it easy. Then he looked at Tony. "Now for you Agent DiNozzo. I can put some gauze and tape on your nose to stabilize it, but there's not much else we can do for cartilage breaks. Unfortunately you just have to wait for it to mend."

"That's fine," Tony agreed and he sat still while the doctor did his work, though he did grunt against the pain when his nose was touched.

Dr. Brennan's expression was sympathetic when he finished. "I'll prescribe some painkillers for you, and if you can get your partner to take them, I'm not adverse to you sharing. But if you start selling them on the black market, I will come after you with a really big needle, got it?"

Tony chuckled. "I think you can trust me Doc." He touched his badge. "Sworn federal agent and all. Besides, my boss scares me more than you do."

"Glad to hear it," the doctor nodded. "And no offense, but I hope I don't see the two of you back here anytime soon. We need you out there protecting the streets. If you happen to send the bad guys to see me, we'll call it even."

Tony held out his hand. "Thanks Doc."

They left the room together, only pulling apart when they found McGee, who was being fitted with a sling now that his shoulder had been put back into place. Not that he was a huge fan of being injured, but Tony couldn't complain about a few extra moments alone with his wife. Though today's events were about to put a serious dent in their fun. However, if certain things were not allowed for awhile, that didn't mean they were totally without options. It seemed to Tony that this might be a great time to put his imagination to work. For once the limitations might actually be fun.

**NCIS**

By the time they got back to the office the painkillers they'd picked up at a nearby pharmacy had started to kick in and it was amusing Ziva to no end the effect they had on her husband. He was spouting nonsense and though McGee did not seem surprised, making her wonder if he'd seen this reaction before, the former assassin had to work hard to contain her laughter. It was mostly fun and games until Werth was transferred back to the hospital and then Gibbs sent them home because he was frustrated at his current inability to do anything about the Marine's situation.

The pills were beginning to wear off when Tony and Ziva left for the night, though she still insisted on driving in case he was not completely back to normal yet. They got home, Ziva went to their room to change, and when she came out Tony was leaning back against the counter waiting for her. "What's wrong?"

She frowned, then wished she hadn't because her forehead was pretty sore, not that she would admit that out loud. "I am fine."

"You're not fine," he countered. "You've been quiet all afternoon. What's going on?" Tony lifted her chin and stared into her eyes. "Did he hurt you worse than you're letting on?"

Ziva brushed away his concern. "It is not that."

"Then what?" he persisted. "Talk to me Zi, please."

She crossed her arms. "I have just been...thinking about something Abby said to me earlier."

Tony's eyebrows rose. "Abby? What did she say?" Usually the forensic scientist was fairly harmless, but occasionally she said just the wrong thing at the right time to make the kind of impact she didn't intend.

Ziva looked away. "She does not think I have feelings. I do have feelings, but she called me a 'totally emotionless perfect warrior'." Her brown eyes reflected a hurt he wished he could reverse. "Is that how you see me too?"

He reached for her hands. "Of course not honey, I know you." Tugging her closer, he slid his arms around her. "I know your heart Zi, I've been lucky enough to be the guy you let inside of it. And your heart is full of so many emotions and feelings just waiting to spill out. So often you don't trust yourself, or the people around you, enough to let them see, but they're there all the same. And when you let me in," he shook his head, "it's like nothing I've ever experienced. Trust me on this one babe, for once Abby is wrong."

A tear slipped down her cheek and Ziva rested the uninjured side of her face on his chest, swallowing hard past the lump in her throat. "Thank you."

Tony nudged her face up and skimmed his lips over hers, a barely there pressure to reassure while also being cautious of his own discomfort. "I love you. Helping you see why you deserve that is part of my job." He fiddled with a lock of hair. "Now, how about a movie?"

Tired as she was from the unexpected events of the day, Ziva agreed, so they both lay down on the couch and got comfortable. Neither stayed awake very long and they positioned themselves carefully not to bump their faces in a way that would hurt either of them. Just the solace of being in each others' arms was enough to lull the couple to sleep quickly. At the end of the day, being together was everything they needed.

**5x12 Stakeout**

Ziva went rushing out of the building after Nikki confessed that she'd seen Tony putting something under her car. When she got to the parking lot, she found her husband leaning against the car with his arms crossed, grinning. She stopped a few feet away and eyed him warily. Tony stepped forward, slid his arms around her waist and pulled her with him. "Don't worry, I come in peace."

"In pieces, you mean," she retorted, a subtle threat in her tone. "That was very mean."

He smiled hopefully. "Yeah, but it worked, right? I just wanted to get you alone, this seemed to be the best way to do that without arousing suspicion."

Ziva sighed and let his touch and the love in his eyes work their magic to soothe her irritation. "And why is that?"

Tony's expression was serious. "Because of the way you've been looking at me and watching Detective Spahr." He pushed her ponytail over one shoulder. "You know I love you Zi, I'm only interested in working the case. What's with the attitude?"

Her gaze remained fixed on his shirt and she traced the silver lines in the material delicately. "I do not suppose I can plead a week of being on a stakeout and not enough alone time with you?"

"I'll take that as part of the answer," he decided, "what's the rest?"

She glanced up at him and then away. "You have been sneaking off to meet the Detective. I know...I know I have no reason to worry, but it reminds me of when you were with Jeanne and I do not like that feeling."

Tony's posture wilted. "Oh." He'd really, really hoped that after a year they were over the mess he'd made of their first nine months of marriage.

"I do not doubt you Tony," she hastened to add. "But I suppose I will...always be jealous when there are other women around you."

He kissed her forehead and leaned his head on hers. "I don't mind your jealousy babe, you have every right to be possessive of me. I actually kinda like it," he grinned, then sobered. "But I really need to have your trust Zi, we can't do this if I don't."

Ziva closed her eyes and let out a breath, then opened them. "I do trust you Tony, and I am sorry for the way I have been acting. I do not like this insecurity and I have missed you too much lately." She put her arms around his neck and Tony responded by hugging her tightly.

"We'll definitely get some of that alone time tonight honey, I promise. We've missed too many nights together recently and I want you by my side." He rubbed her back slowly and turned his head to kiss her neck. "Did I tell you that I love the way you look in blue? That shirt yesterday really complimented your skin tone."

She laughed into his chest. "Do you think I am that easy Tony? I think you will have to work harder than that." He gaped at her and Ziva kissed his lips lightly. "But thank you."

Tony caressed her cheek. "I only have eyes for you Ziva David. Remember that next time, okay?"

Ziva nodded. "Okay." She followed him back into the building with a smile. Her husband always knew just what to say to reassure her of his love. Perhaps someday she would finally stop doubting that this life they had was real and was not temporary, but something that would last. Tony was her home.


	10. 5x14 Internal Affairs

0930 found the bullpen relatively quiet except for the sound of a hole punch being used rather aggressively by Ziva, who smirked every time Tony jumped. He joined her so he could have a captive audience for his probie teasing. Ziva rolled her eyes when Tony collected a cupful of round paper circles and tried to give McGee a heart attack by pretending he was going to spill hot liquid on the delicate set up of computer equipment in front of his desk.

Suddenly everything went haywire and though Tony was quick to shift the blame off himself, the arrival of Fornell and his FBI goons quickly put a stop to any fun. Hearing La Grenouille's name after nearly a year in which those days were never mentioned on purpose caused Tony's spine to stiffen and his fists to clench, though his face remained blank. Ziva made sure to position herself as close to her husband as possible when they were escorted down to the evidence garage and rubbed his back lightly from their place in the corner where no one took any notice of their proximity. The partners put up a united front during their confinement, arms crossed and bodies angled towards each other while the team brainstormed reasons for the invasion and Gibbs planned a way to stay in the loop, welcome or unwelcome.

The separate interviews gave everyone reason to choose their words very carefully, and the longer they were kept in the evidence garage the less any space existed between Tony and Ziva until she was sitting on the table right next to him, their shoulders brushing with each breath. Both were thankful that, given the circumstances, their lack of distance from one another wasn't even enough to raise an eyebrow.

Finally, just as Gibbs was getting ready for a jailbreak, Assistant Director Vance appeared and released everyone who'd already given their statement, leaving only Tony and Abby to stall for time while the others acknowledged Gibbs' silent instructions and one by one left only to reconvene in Gibbs' basement for their new mission of investigating the investigators. Tony was entirely unimpressed to be left behind and Ziva could say nothing when they were all together, so she slid her fingers around his wrist briefly, conveyed an 'I love you' with her eyes, and reluctantly moved away.

Once she'd lost the FBI car tailing her, which was not hard given her background, and found a wireless signal so McGee could get an internet connection on Gibbs' older than the hills laptop, Ziva almost laughed out loud when Gibbs gave her his knife and pointed her towards the FBI car parked outside then called her back to specify tires, not throats. She'd actually been thinking of crawling unnoticed under the car to mess with their brake and fuel lines in a way that would appear entirely accidental if checked out later. Assassin may have been the title marking her past, but Ziva felt much more the investigator now.

Using Gibbs' considerably dated printer, McGee finally got crime scene sketches converted to paper copies while Ziva did her best to re-create the scene of the crime with masking tape on the floor. Together with Ducky, who by now had finished his photographic autopsy, acted out difference scenarios for how La Grenouille could have died to explain the evidence. While Tony was being interrogated by Tobias, Gibbs was getting to the bottom of things and when he did, he came back to share the unwelcome discovery with them.

Ducky repeated the words in near disbelief. "Jeanne Benoit thinks Tony shot her father?"

Ziva closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath, striving to respond as the agent and not the wife. "He had motive," she said slowly, knowing the others believed Tony blamed Jeanne's father for the end of their relationship.

"And means," McGee agreed, aware that the gun found in Tony's car was hardly his only piece.

"And no alibi," she sighed, remembering the night at the bar when he had not joined them, and lie she told Fornell during her interview.

It was part of their cover, that she'd left Tony alone in Jeanne's apartment, then he went for a drive using a car from the motor pool in the absence of his. Some of it was truth. They'd parted ways at the apartment after Tony told his story and he dropped her off at NCIS to report back to Gibbs while he took some time to think. He came back for her later in the evening and they went home together.

Ziva knew without a shadow of a doubt that if worse came to worse and the charge was serious, she would gladly spill all their secrets if doing so would keep her husband from facing imprisonment for a crime he could not possibly have committed. He was beside her, within breathing distance all night. It was not so easy to escape from a former Mossad officer without her knowledge. Ziva was positive Tony had not left their bed during those hours, and even more so, she knew he was not that kind of man.

**NCIS**

Jeanne Benoit returned to NCIS after speaking with Gibbs, to do her duty as the one bringing charges against an agent. She had no evidence, just the claim that Tony had been the last person she saw with her father before he was killed and her statement that she did not know what he was capable of. Jenny gently but persistently tore her theory to shreds and then Trent Kort appeared with the piece of paper that put them all in the clear.

He came around the corner minutes later and fell back into the filing cabinets when Tony's fist collided with his face. "Hey Trent," Tony greeted the man glibly, staring seriously at him as his voice lowered. "Rene wasn't just an operative, he was somebody's father."

Kort pushed Tony back and Ziva materialized at his side, the look on her face daring Trent to try something with her partner. He seemed more intimidated by her and just walked away, saying nothing in response. Tony sighed and they saw Jeanne being escorted to the elevator. She spared Tony a fleeting glance but kept moving. Husband and wife both struggled with the moment - Tony remembering the pain he caused and Ziva seeing for the first time in person the woman who commanded so much of her husband's attention during their first year of marriage.

Taking a breath, Ziva decided to push a few buttons. They all needed the closure. "Be a man."

His expression darkened. "She accused me of murder."

Ziva let her arms fall to her sides. "She was in pain Tony. Who is the bad guy, hm? Go. Go tell her what she needs to hear. She deserves the truth."

The words were not easy for her to say, nor was she thrilled with sending him to speak to the 'other woman', but it was necessary. They stared at each other in the shadows of the empty office and Tony headed for the elevator, leaving Ziva wondering if pushing him was the right choice. She couldn't help but turn and watch as he approached Jeanne, knowing they would have to find a way through the silence to talk to each other tonight, in the privacy and safety of their home.

Tony nodded at the FBI bodyguard. "Hey, can you give us a second please? Thank you." He made eye contact with Jeanne. "Hey." Taking a breath, Tony continued. "I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of all this."

She almost interrupted. "Was any of it real Tony?"

Tony thought about what he'd like to say, what he had to say, and met her gaze unflinchingly, doing what Ziva suggested. He shook his head. "I'm sorry Jeanne, but no, it wasn't."

It still hurt when she whispered that she wished she'd never met him and Tony understood. If only time could be rewound and mistakes put right. But life didn't come with a remote and the consequences were often very far reaching. Instead he focused on the glint he'd observed on her left hand. "How's John?"

Jeanne fiddled with the ring, still a relatively new weight again. "He's good. We're...good." She glanced out the window. "He didn't support my decision to accuse you, but I think he's trying to understand because he knows how much I loved my father." Tears wet her lashes and Jeanne hesitantly looked up at him. "I'm sorry Tony. I just-I got the news and I was so hurt and angry. I wanted someone to focus that on, someone to blame. But it didn't help and there's still this huge hole in my heart where my father used to be."

Tony managed a half-grin. "I've got lots of practice blaming the wrong people, so I get it." He chuckled. "I'd appreciate if you don't do it again, but I get it." He sighed. "He was your dad Jeanne, that's always going to mean something. And I know it doesn't help now, but you've got a lifetime of memories as his little girl. I'm sorry for your loss."

Her smile was faint, the sadness in her eyes so raw and deep Tony could almost touch it. "He won't be at my wedding," she whispered.

Tony knew what that was like too. The absence of a parent, even if they weren't invited, on one of the happiest days of their child's life was something not easily forgotten. "I know. But at least you're getting a second chance to love." He swallowed. "John's a good man. I wish you both every happiness."

"Thanks," Jeanne said shortly, backing into the elevator and blinking back tears. She disappeared from sight and Tony rubbed his face, feeling lighter now that they'd gotten to talk. Closure was actually a pretty good concept, now he was free from all of it. At that thought Tony smiled and suddenly decided it was time to take his wife home. Knowing that she had his back no matter what the situation meant more to him than anything else except the fact that she loved him. Which, of course, was the best part.

**NCIS**

They sat together on the couch that night, sharing a glass of wine and trying to find a way around the subject of the day's events. Finally Ziva set her glass aside and shifted to face him, one knee pulled up to her chest. "Are you alright?"

Tony swallowed the last of the alcohol and leaned his head back on the cushion. "No one was more surprised than me to find out what the real reason behind the lockdown was." He sighed. "I could've done without being accused of murder again."

Her brow furrowed. "Again?"

He chuckled. "Remember the last time? When Abby's creepy assistant went on a revenge kick and framed me?"

"Hmm," she nodded. "That was a few months before we learned to be friends. I did not think you did it, so I did not take the charge very seriously. I knew Gibbs would not let you stay in prison."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Tony said sarcastically.

Ziva made a face. "I was still new to the team then, more Mossad than NCIS."

He thought back. "Six months, I figured you would've made up your mind about us by then."

She shrugged. "It takes me a long time to trust Tony, but I learned."

Tony's thumb rubbed across the back of her hand. "I'm glad." He turned the tables. "Are you okay, about today?"

Ziva swallowed. "It was not easy to see you with her, to see her as a real person. But I think we needed to turn the page on that time of our lives."

"Close the book," he amended, "and you're right. I still hate that I hurt her, and I hate that she has to grieve over her dad now too, but I think she's going to be okay."

"John?" Ziva asked.

Tony gave her a half-smile. "They're getting married. It's a good match."

"Like us?"

He tugged on her ponytail. "Like us. Except that we've never broken up. And I wouldn't betray you that way."

They'd had this conversation before, but extra reassurances never hurt. "Nor I you," she promised. "And there is no breaking up. We promised forever, yes?"

Tony grinned. "Yes we did."

They went quiet for awhile until Ziva slid across the space between them and tucked herself against her husband's side. He kissed her head and sighed, resting his cheek on her hair. This was exactly what he'd been needing all day, just he and Ziva alone together, sharing the life they'd built, and only needing each other to heal past hurts. A murmured 'I love you' passed his lips and she repeated the sentiment as his arms folded around her in a possessive embrace. Nothing mattered more than this.

_Replies:_

_Sarah (MIT8) - sorry, I forgot about this one on the last chapter, my bad. I'm glad you liked it. haha...at least Tony had a good reason for calling himself that this time. I'm not sure what he was thinking either, I guess he figured Z would explain when she was finished. I have fun with the Hebrew, tho some words and phrases are exceedingly more difficult to find than others. What I need is a Hebrew-English dictionary, but Chapters didn't have any in stock. I'm glad you like Aunt Nettie, I had fun with her too. She's a spunky old lady and she'll definitely be back occasionally. I figured Z needs one person who actually cares about her getting the kind of life she deserves. And having someone who can see them together, to whom they don't have to lie about their relationship, is a great help. haha...that's a good point. Meet the parents is going to take awhile, but Aunt Nettie is a good substitute. I like Miriam too, and I figured Z needed a Bible name, since her mom's name translates to Rebecca. Glad you liked the line, I could totally see Aunt Nettie doing something like that. That line is actually what inspired Aunt Nettie's personality. Thanks for reviewing Sarah, I really appreciate it :)_

_Samantha (Never Again) - Hi! I have no idea if you're reading this story or not, but on the off chance that you are, I wanted to thank you and reply to your lovely reviews. I know exactly what you mean. I didn't actually want to write that story, but the evil plot leprechauns did not give me much of a choice. I wanted to explore that kind of grief but yikes was it painful and bittersweet. Your reactions are similar to a lot of people - feeling like Z was cheating on T with Dayne, frustrated that Siah didn't remember T etc. I just figured she was too young to be alone forever and she deserved happiness, even if the hurt of losing T would always be there. Thank you for saying so, I really appreciate when people take the time to leave their comments :)_

_Samantah (WIACCD) - haha...totally unexpected, right? I would never have come up with something like that, so I'm glad the show did it for me. T's apartment looked like something out of a magazine, not what I'd pictured for him at all. I'm glad you liked the story. Ooh, I love the way you phrased that 'a love so deep it's hard to understand'. Thanks so much for the review! :) ~Aliyah_

_Sarah (MIT9) - I didn't like the way the show did it, with them snipping at each other so much, so I took my artistic license in hand and reimagined it. Inherently more gentle, I like that. Their banter and teasing, especially some of the mean-spirited stuff, has less meaning when you take into account how much of it is for show. haha...Abby was definitely on the edge of a breakdown. I don't think she m eant to hurt Z but because it was clear her words left a mark, I wanted to explore that too. T is doing pretty good at the answers Z needs to hear. He loves her so much it's amazing to watch. I liked the hospital scene too, I wanted to get something in before T went a bit nutso on the painkillers. The little moments are what inspired this whole series and finding them keeps my life interesting. I'm glad they got to talk in Stakeout too, because they were acting very unlike themselves in that ep. I appreciate T's patience with Z's insecurity and Z's determination to try not to hold the past over their heads. They've got a lot of work to do, but it's totally going to be worth it in the end. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	11. 5x15 In The Zone

As soon as Gibbs left the bullpen, Tony and Ziva escaped to the copy room, locking the door. Tony swept Ziva into his arms and nuzzled her neck. "What's this about you bringing the probie coffee but none for me?" A sly smile crawled across her lips, but Ziva said nothing and his eyes narrowed. "You're in an awfully good mood this morning."

She slid her hands down the length of his tie, tugging gently. "Perhaps it may have something to do with the way I was woken up."

A smug expression claimed his face. "And what way might that be, Ms. David?"

Ziva raised an eyebrow. "I do not kiss and tell."

Tony rolled his eyes. "You would get that one right." His gaze dropped to her mouth. "Just one to tide me over?"

She tilted her head. "Tony, since when have you been content with only one kiss?"

He shrugged. "I'll take what I can get, since we're at work and all."

Ziva pressed her lips to his, loving the possessiveness in her husband's touch that showed she was his and no one else's. He went for a second and a third and while Ziva was enjoying herself immensely, their absence would soon be noticed. Reluctantly she pulled away, chuckling when Tony seemed to have a hard time focusing. "I love you," she whispered, leaving before he could draw her back for more.

Tony stood there with a silly smile on his face, thinking he really could get used to this, before taking a different route from his wife and pretending he'd just gotten off a call. No one was the wiser as they took their places back in the squadroom and Tony winked at Ziva when she looked up from paperwork. So far, so good.

**NCIS**

Director Vance's declaration that he would not send an Israeli into Baghdad quickly deflated any hopes the couple had about traveling together, and the two hours Tony and Nikki were given to get ready did not leave much time for saying goodbye. If anyone noticed that Ziva disappeared soon after Gibbs' senior field agent left to get his things together, not a word of it was breathed.

In the yellow bungalow they called home Ziva stood at the end of their bed watching Tony pack and commenting on things he might need. Though her tone was neutral, her eyes were troubled and he was tempted to take her right there just to put an end to whatever thoughts were chasing around inside her head. But being as they didn't have time for that, Tony settled for pulling her close and kissing her breathless.

"You know I'd rather have you than the germaphobe watching my back, right?" he asked, brushing a few strands of hair away from her face. Ziva conceded with a nod but her expression was so sad and he captured her lips again. "Please don't look at me like that babe, I'll never make it out the door."

Ziva hugged him hard, demanding in a whisper that he take care of himself and come home to her as soon as possible. Tony cradled her body in his arms, promising that he would do his very best. She kissed him gently, sliding her fingers over his face as if memorizing each feature, and finally let him go.

He pressed his lips to her palm and backed slowly out of the room. "I'll miss you tonight."

Ziva tried to smile. "And I you. Be safe Tony."

"I love you," he whispered, tearing himself away before she had time to respond. Ziva wrapped her arms around her waist and tried to believe he would be okay in a place where people died from bombs and bullets every day. She pulled herself together and returned to the office to work their end of the case, but her thoughts were never far from Tony no matter what was happening.

That night she lay alone in their too large, too empty, too lonely, too cold bed and tried to sleep a little. Every so often her phone would chirp with a text from Tony, everything from stupid jokes to comments about the scenery he couldn't see and words all in capitals about how much he loved (hated) flying in C-130s, and how he wished he was there with her. In turn Ziva complained about the house making funny noises, the difference in resting without his warmth beside her, and her worry that she might shoot the first person who looked at her wrong tomorrow because he wasn't there to stop her. Eventually she fell into a restless slumber full of disturbing dreams that made her glad when morning came to dispel the darkness and shadows.

Ziva was at work before any of them, looking up world clocks and memorizing the number of hours between her and her husband when McGee walked by. "You wouldn't be checking the time in Iraq, would you?"

She closed everything quickly. "I do not know what you are talking about."

Tim dropped his backpack by his desk. "It's been forty-five minutes."

Her eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"

"Since Nikki and Tony arrived," he continued. "Which would put them-"

"At their hotel," Ziva finished, holding up her hand and smiling politely. "That is enough." She trusted her husband, but the thought of him rooming with another woman, even one as...unique as Nikki, did nothing for her peace of mind.

**NCIS**

In Baghdad Tony sat in the sweltering barracks thinking about not seeing his wife for an entire week, silently grousing about not being able to take a shower, and having no idea how he was going to put up with Nikki's freakish attempts at cleanliness in the desert. The only thing that could make him smile was the note Ziva had tucked into the back pocket of his pants when she hugged him goodbye. He hadn't found it until they were on the plane, but even though he was dying of curiosity, the bold letters across the folded paper made it clear Tony had to wait until he was actually in Iraq to find out what she wrote.

In the end it was no long wordy message or anything others would find particularly profound, but Ziva had simply scrawled 'I love you' about twenty times, in English and several other languages, all over the paper and tucked inside it was a small snapshot of her that he'd taken in the fall. Ziva leaning against a tree in the park, hair half up, a small smile adorning her lips. Though he was extremely glad for something to hold onto, the picture only made Tony long for home more as he pressed his lips to his wife's face and whispered that he loved her.

He was thrilled to see Ziva on the comm link later beside Abby and McGee, but could tell right away that she was unimpressed with the shared accommodations. Abby kept giving Ziva sideways glances, clearly amused by the jealousy and hostility rippling off of her friend. Unfortunately with an audience present Tony and Ziva could say nothing personal, nothing just between them. But while sending the report to McGee, Tony also tapped out a quick message to his wife, sending it through the untraceable account Tim set up during Ziva's encounter with the Iranians. He'd figured it might come in handy someday and he was right.

That account was the first thing Ziva checked when she made it home, hoping Tony had remembered. Delight coursed through her to see one new message and she eagerly clicked on it. _Zi - miss you like crazy. It's HOT here. No wonder you're cold as soon as summer leaves DC if this is the heat you grew up in. Can't wait to come home, every sleep brings me a little closer. Nikki's okay but it's you I want to be sharing a room with. Thanks for the note. I'm keeping it and you close to my heart. I love you - T._

His words were over far too soon but Ziva read them again and again just to hear her husband's voice and imagine his smile. She printed it off before bed and left it folded under her pillow. It was another nearly sleepless night spent imaging Tony and Nikki laying only a few cots away from each other, despite Tony making it very clear he'd rather be with her. The next day brought happier news and Ziva was thrilled to hear that Tony would be back sooner than they'd expected. She stayed late, stalling until the debriefing was over.

Expecting her, Tony slipped into the stairwell and met her on the basement level behind the stairs, one of the few blind spots in the building's camera coverage that Ziva had scoped out the last time they'd reviewed security procedures. She hugged him immediately - dirt, sweat, and all - and Tony, having shed all the gear they'd been wearing in Baghdad, felt like he couldn't hold her close enough. Ziva kissed her husband with no regard for his current state of hygiene, but luckily he'd seen ahead to a reunion and his teeth were freshly brushed. Still, even layers of deodorant weren't enough to cover up the smell of two days in a hot climate and hours spent on military planes.

Tony slowly pulled away, brushing her cheek with his thumb. "Let me get clean and we can do that some more," he whispered. To which Ziva replied that if he was good, she might even help. After that Tony's grin was permanent and he slid his arm around her waist. "Let's go home." As he already knew, there was no place he'd rather be.

**NCIS**

Ziva lay sideways on the bed, only sometimes paying attention to the book in her hand, when Tony came out of the bathroom after a long hot shower. Her gaze flickered over him, a smirk claiming her lips when she observed the towel he wore. Tony dropped a kiss on her nose and changed into sleep clothes, then knelt down beside her and rested his arms on the mattress. "Good book?"

She dropped the novel, rolled over, and met his mouth with hers. Any other thought instantly left Tony's head and in a quick and relatively graceful move, he stood, bringing her with him, and lay on his back, pulling Ziva down on top of him. She chuckled and broke away, gentle fingers once again tracing the familiar contours of his face. "You got a tan."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Would've rather skipped the tan and stayed here with you. Thought Nikki was going to get us killed a couple times."

Ziva's brow furrowed. "I think I did not need to know that."

He wove his fingers into her soft curls, drawing her closer to capture her lips again. "I'm back and in one piece, let's leave it at that."

She sighed and slid off of him, still partially resting on his chest. "I missed you."

"We're pretty pathetic, aren't we?"

Ziva looked up. "Why do you say that?"

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Here we are, two highly trained professionals, and we can't even handle two days apart."

The expression that took over his wife's face was one that told of a profound thought about to be shared. "I spent my whole life as a weapon Tony - no attachments, barely any family, no loyalties except to Mossad. My heart was lonely but I tried never to acknowledge it, thinking I needed no one. And then you happened. This, us, I never could have foreseen anything like what we have now. I have no desire to go back to those days when my feelings were ignored and life was cold and empty. I belong here now, with you. My heart has a home. If I do not want to spend time without you, I do not see that as a weakness but a strength. I was not capable of this kind of love three years ago."

His eyes never left hers and he kissed her hand, his voice rough with the words. "Ziva David, have I ever told you how much I love you?"

She smiled and shook her head. "Not yet tonight, but I will hear that as often as you want to tell me."

Tony hugged her close. "Then remind me to tell you every day, because I never want you to forget."

Ziva kissed his jaw and rolled onto her other side, nestling her head into her pillow. Tony spooned up behind her and slid his hand under the pillow for support. Used to feeling the cold steel of her gun there, he was surprised to also find a piece of paper. Pulling it out, he held it up. "What's this?"

She turned her head and her eyes widened, one hand coming up fast to make a grab for it. Tony grinned and kept it out of her reach. "Secrets David?" The glare he got was not a sufficient deterrent. Flipping on the lamp, he unfolded the paper and scanned the few lines, then looked back at his wife. "You printed it off."

Ziva swiped the email and folded it neatly, laying it on the bedside table. "That was all I had when I was lonely last night."

Tony cuddled up to her again. "And now?"

A smile lifted the corners of her lips. "I do not need it anymore when you are right beside me."

"Glad to hear it," Tony replied, nuzzling his nose into her neck. "Because there's no place I'd rather be." He molded his mouth to hers for a long moment, then tucked her close against him and breathed out a sigh of contentment. Now he was home.

_Sarah - you're welcome. lol, I live in a very small town. Odds are pretty good our library isn't quite that multi-cultural. But someday I'd like to have a H-E dictionary. Thanks. Yeah, this is one of the moments where there is a bit of a snag in their plans to keep everything a secret. But I have no doubts that Z would've gone to bat for T if it came to that. Definitely a bit of a painful moment for Z to see Jeanne in person, but I'm glad she pushed T for the closure. Having John around helps because at least everyone has someone this time. I'm glad you liked it. I just felt it needed to be wrapped up a bit differently. I like that idea, that it healed some wounds. I hope so. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	12. 5x16 Recoil

Being on the flipside sucked, Tony concluded, stepping into Hoffman's house and finding a dead girl on the livingroom floor. At least when he was pretending to see someone else, his love interest wasn't a suspected murderer. It had been two months since the first murdered woman landed in their jurisdiction, six weeks since the higher ups declared the continuing deaths unacceptable, and nearly a month since Ziva had been set up with an alias manufactured to catch their suspect's attention. This was the third week of them being a dating couple and Tony hated it with everything in his being.

He thought, foolishly, that he'd gained an understanding of Ziva's feelings when he was undercover during the Roy fiasco. But watching his wife kiss and play up to Hoffman when they were fully aware of his extracurricular activities was far worse. That being said, Tony loved the way her hair had been worn down and curly for the duration of the assignment and he thought she looked even more beautiful than usual, if that was possible.

And despite the fact that her evenings were spent at the bar Hoffman frequented and he hadn't been seeing her nearly enough, Tony was glad to be the one she came home to. Ziva would walk in the door desperate to shower and get the feel and taste of him off her. So every night Tony led her to the bathroom, turned on the shower, washed her body with gentle hands, and held her when the tremors started. Sometimes she even threw up, disgusted for having to act like a besotted girlfriend with the man who'd killed six women out of revenge for one that left him. For nineteen days the two of them had battled nightmares in which Ziva became his next victim and Tony could never get to her in time to stop it. He was more than ready for this particular tour of duty to be over.

**NCIS**

Annoyed that they hadn't thought ahead far enough to give her alias a cellphone without the team's names and numbers programmed in, Ziva laughed at Hoffman's questions and tried to lie her way out of the situation. It was like a splash of ice cold water when she was made and suddenly everything was in jeopardy because he had a gun and she didn't and back up was too far away. A chill gripped her when the man walked her into an abandoned building after switching cars and slowly cornered her as Ziva frantically sought a way out of her predicament.

One thing was for certain, she knew she could not handle someone telling Tony she didn't make it, so Ziva spun and went for the gun, shock and fear hitting hard as the bullet grazed her temple. It had rarely been so close and while the desperate struggle for the gun and survival dragged on through endless seconds, Ziva rolled over to face her attacker, wondering if she actually might die this way, on a cold cement floor with no one she cared about close enough to help. Rapid fire shots hit Hoffman in the chest and his dead weight collapsed on her, sightless eyes still staring.

Ziva lay there drawing precious air into her lungs and trying to calm her ragged breathing. Gibbs and McGee raced in with guns drawn as she summoned her strength and pushed the body aside. Gibbs saw the blood on her shirt and dropped to his knees beside her, scanning her body for injuries. Ziva shook her head and gave him her patented 'I am fine' line, which was summarily ignored as he traced the blood trail up her face and pushed aside her hair to inspect the damage.

Paramedic arrived and Gibbs insisted she get checked out, then gave her a set of sweats because they needed her clothes for evidence. She was given the rest of the day off and just as determined not to take it, so he made her wait in the ME van where she would be safe and out of sight. Ziva hated being caged, hated the pity in their eyes, the perceived judgement that wondered how she could have let it go so far. Endless voices screamed out her failure through the darkness clouding every corner of her mind and Ziva found herself hiding in the passenger seat, arms around drawn up knees, wishing fervently that her husband was there to hold her. Frustration gripped her because Ziva David was not a needy, simpering woman who couldn't stand on her own, yet she wanted Tony close and that weakness was something she didn't know how to face.

**NCIS**

McGee called Tony with an update as soon as Gibbs determined their resident ninja was alright. His heart was in his throat just from the brief description and he struggled to keep his tone caring but neutral. "How's Ziva?"

"Pretty shaken up," Tim shared, making Tony's throat close. If she was traumatized enough to let it show, than this was far worse than it seemed.

"Keep me updated," he requested, hanging up.

It was incredibly frustrating to be waiting alone when Tony knew Ziva needed him and he was afraid that she would end up at home alone with only her thoughts. Few people knew, but Ziva had a lot of experience beating herself up for things beyond her control when there was no one to stop her. Having been raised with the aim of perfection, she had no way to cope when she couldn't handle something, and that knowledge left him in a brooding mood as the scene was finally processed and he was free to return to the office.

He caught a glimpse of the pills she downed when she thought no one was watching as he got off the elevator. It usually took a lot to make her reach for that bottle, so either she was hurting more than she let on or she was using them to hide. Tony wasn't sure which was worse. Gibbs met him between Ziva's desk and his. "You stay with her DiNozzo."

"On it Boss," he replied seriously, not failing to notice that she seemed less than impressed with the order, even if it was him babysitting her. They'd have had an impossible task keeping him away even if Gibbs hadn't demanded he keep Ziva in line of sight. He wouldn't be letting her go far for a long time with any ease, not after today.

**NCIS**

Tony waited until the others left before approaching Ziva at her desk. "You don't look so bad, McGee said you were a wreck." He reached out his hand and in a movement quicker than he could blink, Ziva slammed it down. Tony didn't react, knowing calm worked better. "I was just going to tousle your hair," he explained. "Sometimes it makes you smile."

She let go and looked away. "Sorry."

Later, at the bar, Tony watched while his wife sat with Michael at a back table. The other man brushed her hair back and Ziva shrugged, probably trying to put off his concern. The sight caused hurt and jealousy to pool in his stomach and he turned his attention to the bartender. When they got home and walked in the door, Tony put his hand on Ziva's arm, stopping her from going to their bedroom. He felt like a fool for asking, but he needed to know.

"Why'd you let him touch you Zi? You didn't even flinch."

Her eyes shadowed. "Michael would not understand my reflexes as you do and I did not wish for more explaining to do."

Now that she was a little more relaxed, Tony moved into her space and drew his fingers through her hair, then pushed it aside to see the butterfly strips over her wound. He leaned in and kissed her temple. "I was so worried about you today. When I heard shots were fired..."

Ziva nodded once. "I know Tony. It has not been that close in a long time."

He gathered her into his arms. "I'm glad you're okay sweetheart. I can't do this without you."

Her brow furrowed. "You could."

Tony shook his head. "I don't think so, not anymore. You're part of me, the best part. If I lost you, there wouldn't be anything left."

Ziva closed her eyes. "That is too much pressure Tony, too much responsibility. You cannot need me that much."

He rested his forehead on hers. "How do you propose to make me stop? You promised forever Ziva, don't try to take it back now."

Tears gathered and she wiped them away. "I just want to sleep."

Tony understood that it was an escape, but he took her hand and led her there, unbuttoned her blouse and brushed his lips over her shoulder, then discarded her bra, snagging a t-shirt of his for her before he got too distracted to be a gentleman. Silky pyjama pants replaced her jeans and then Tony changed quickly and helped his wife into bed. Getting in on his side, Tony held out his arms and Ziva accepted the invitation, still trembling from the emotion of the day. He kept her close and bent his head, capturing her lips and offering the most intimate form of comfort he could besides making love.

Ziva's hand found his face and she responded, relieved that he did not try to turn the moment into more. They lay there for a long time, kissing and holding onto each other until finally Ziva put her head down on his chest and closed her eyes, so glad to know that he wasn't going anywhere. When she had spent her life as a nameless nomad, the constancy of her husband's love had quickly become her greatest gift.

**NCIS**

The sun rose on a new day but looking at Ziva someone might swear it was a repeat of the previous one. She looked battered and exhausted, Tony noticed as he set a mug of her favourite tea in front of her. She'd eaten nothing since yesterday and he knew she had barely slept - her restlessness disturbed them both many times over the course of the night. The redness rimming her eyes spoke of tears that must've been shed silently, because he'd been listening for her and never heard a sound.

Matters were not helped when Petty Officer Massey thanked Ziva for killing Hoffman. She gave no response and it was clear she'd rather not be reminded of what she did. Later he and McGee watched Ziva kick the photocopier viciously. "Die stupid machine!"

McGee crossed his arm. "She seems unfazed."

Tony scoffed at his sarcasm. "Those are standard Mossad style copy machine assault tactics McGee, she's fine." He was lying through his teeth. Ziva was far, far from fine. In three years they'd been through some tragic stuff, but he'd never seen her react like this. He tried baiting her, getting a rise out of her, anything to shake her out of that mood, but received only an unimpressed look in response. He just wished she'd say something, even if it wasn't anything important. Ziva had barely spoken a word in twelve hours and the silence was killing him.

They watched her return to her desk and McGee expressed concern for how she was doing. Ziva didn't even look up. "I am fine."

His response was disbelief mixed with mocking. "See McGee? She's a steely eyed killer."

At that Ziva's hard gaze bore into both of them. "Sheket bevakasha!" _Quiet please._

Tony was surprised she added the 'please', in her current state of agitation tishtok (_shut up_) would've been more appropriate. He knew the actual translation even if Ziva told them differently. McGee returned to his desk and Tony sidled over to hers. "This really did affect you, huh?" He paused but received neither confirmation or denial. "Had your mandatory session with the shrink yet?"

Ziva thought about the question and answered quietly. "Yes."

Trying to inject a little humour into the moment, Tony smiled. "Still crazy then?" Her gaze sharpened and he held up his hands in surrender. "Getting off your case."

It was a relief when Gibbs finally sent them home and gave Ziva the following day off, though Tony could tell by her expression that the offer would be politely ignored and rejected. Gathering his things, he looked around. "Anyone want to get a drink?" McGee breezed right past him with no answer as if he was in a hurry to get somewhere, so Tony turned his attention to his wife. "Drink?"

Ziva glanced at him, then down. "Not tonight Tony."

He grabbed his stuff and moved closer. "Listen, I wasn't trying to make light of what you went through, just trying to snap you out of your headspace."

She frowned, the phrase missing its mark. "I have perfectly good space in my head."

Tony grinned. "Great, then let's get a drink. You talk, I'll listen."

It seemed that she was considering the idea, then shook her head. "I do not want a drink."

He changed tactics. "Okay. One drink. I'll talk, you listen."

Frustration coloured her words. "Tony, no."

Tony sighed. "Are we going home then?"

Ziva wouldn't meet his eyes. "You go home, I need to walk."

She left without another word and he stared after her. Tony knew she wasn't okay and if she thought he was going to leave her alone in that frame of mind or not follow her, she was mistaken. He got the car and slowly trailed Ziva's wandering path to the bar that had been part of her daily routine for the last three weeks. Tony watched her go inside and waited several minutes before walking in and choosing a table in the dim back corner that gave him a good view of Ziva. He spent the next couple hours nursing various sodas, his eyes never leaving his wife. It killed Tony to watch from the shadows as she ordered drink after drink that she supposedly didn't want, or perhaps that she just didn't want to share with him.

Then Michael, the guy being a little too touchy-feely last night for Tony's peace of mind, took the seat beside her. Tony's fingers clenched around his glass as they chatted easily and he wondered if Ziva recognized the flirting when she wasn't even close to sober any more. Through half-closed eyes Ziva listened to Michael talk about Devon. "She's smart, funny, terrible sense of direction, drives you insane with her incessant movie references, worries about others more than herself, generous to a fault." He sighed. "I just want to know she's okay."

Ziva was starting to think Devon sounded an awfully lot like the man she wasn't supposed to notice who was sitting in the corner sipping a Dr. Pepper and hadn't taken his eyes off of her once. It was sweet of him to be so concerned, but at this moment Ziva didn't want to feel, didn't want to care, didn't want anything except the pleasant numbness and slight buzz several of Heidi's mojitos provided her with.

Tony was waiting when Michael left and Ziva finally decided to call it a night. Instead of trying to make her talk as she feared, he just draped his jacket over her shoulders, dropped enough money on the counter to cover her tab and a tip, and gently steered her towards the car. They pulled into the driveway twenty minutes later, he turned the engine off, and they sat there in silence. He waited, but Ziva said nothing, so he helped her out and let them into the house. The couple got ready for bed and slid under the covers, feeling a million miles apart. Tony kissed Ziva's cheek and lay his hand on her arm, hoping for some sort of reaction, but there was nothing so he sighed and rolled over, hoping to fall asleep quickly. He couldn't help if she wouldn't let him in and right now there was as good as a brick wall between them, one which Tony, sadly, had no clue how to breach.

**NCIS**

Tony didn't like leaving Ziva alone, but she'd conceded to coming in late and he didn't have an excuse to stay home with her. So he left her water and aspirins on the counter, not certain she'd take them but wanting to help in some small way. It had been two days and this behaviour was so unlike the Ziva he knew, Tony couldn't help wonder where his wife was and if she was coming back. Ziva joined them sooner than he expected, dressed in a different outfit but with the same expression on her face. She sort of looked like something the cat dragged in - dark circles under her eyes, same hairstyle as yesterday and messy because she'd slept in it, and probably nursing a hangover she wouldn't bother complaining about.

It was a long, slow day and the case was going nowhere fast. Ziva ended up at the bar again that night, not in the mood to drink but unable to stay away. She ran into Michael on her way out and Tony was determined to be no passive observant party this time. The man smiled at Ziva. "I hope you weren't looking for me."

She tilted her head and gave him a look. "Is that really what you were hoping?"

His response was quick. "Not even close." Michael gestured towards the bar. "Y'know, I could, uh, buy you a drink, or..."

At this point it was fairly easy to tell where he was going, but she still played the game. "Or what?"

"You could come home with me."

She had to give him credit for his boldness. Ziva chuckled, because now that possibility was just too absurd to even consider. "Why would I do that?"

Michael shrugged. "Because you feel guilty about lying to me, or because you just killed somebody and need someone to hug?"

For one of the first times Tony finally got to play the jealous husband and now it wasn't an act. He appeared beside Ziva and threw an arm around her shoulders. "She's got someone to give her a hug and someone to go home with. Thank you for your time Mr. Locke, hopefully we won't be seeing you around." Then he led his wife out of the bar.

They'd barely passed the doors when Ziva pushed him away, eyes burning. "Have you no faith in me at all?"

He preferred her anger to the dark, hopeless, nothingness that had filled her gaze since the shooting and his tone was not gentle. "I'm not just going to stand there and watch some guy proposition my wife, no matter how raw your emotional state is!" Tony grabbed hold of her arms, refusing to let her look away. "Ziva, I need you to snap out of it. You've been shutting me out for days. Please tell me what's wrong, what I can do, but don't push me away anymore." He swallowed and touched her face. "I can't take losing you piece by piece honey. I need you, please."

Tears came then and Ziva fell into her husband's embrace. He moved them around the corner to a deserted alley and leaned against the brick wall, holding her close and whispering comfort while the heat from his body slowly warmed the cold places inside her. "I do not know what I am doing," she admitted quietly, her arms tightening around him, afraid of what would happen if he let go. "I cannot shake this Tony, and it is so dark inside."

Tony kissed her hair. "I love you," he told her. "We'll figure it out Zi, just don't go so far away again, okay? We're so much better together." He dug in his pocket for the little heart shaped lock he'd had the foresight to grab and folded her fingers around it. "You are so much stronger than you think and much braver than you believe." It was very loosely paraphrased, but Tony didn't think Christopher Robin or Winnie the Pooh would mind.

Ziva clutched the lock and sighed into Tony's shirt, staying that way for a long time before they headed home. Once in their bedroom she kissed him almost desperately and Tony read the unspoken plea in her hesitant touch. Sex wasn't always about passion and fulfilling physical needs, sometimes that connection was the best way to offer comfort. Tonight he would give Ziva whatever she needed because he loved her, and nothing mattered more than that.

**NCIS**

Despite their evening activities and the release of being able to cry, Ziva still came into the office wearing a day old shirt and looking like crap, not in the mood for the front she and Tony put up to argue over Michael and his missing girlfriend. She wasn't even sure why they bothered today, why Tony was acting jealous when it was his arms she found refuge in the night before or why she couldn't stop herself from getting angry when he was trying so hard to be whatever she needed, even when neither of them knew what that was.

Unable to easily let her out of his sight and since Gibbs hadn't actually rescinded the order, Tony found himself listening outside Autopsy later when Ziva was finally able to articulate to their boss the reason she'd been so withdrawn. He could see how unimpressed Ziva was when Gibbs wouldn't let her leave and winced when he asked about Locke. Then the next moment everything got a whole lot clearer.

She was far from happy about the line of questioning. "Look, if you are going to give me a lecture on my bad judgement I do not need to hear it."

Gibbs studied her. "Is that what this is about? You doubting your judgement?"

Ziva's expression was blank, but her eyes practically dared him to agree with her. "I should have moved earlier."

He didn't take the bait. "You would've if you could've."

She wasn't ready for him to let her off so easily. "I left it too late."

Gibbs' logic was matter of fact. "You still took him out."

Ziva paused and finally the truth came out. "I almost died."

He moved closer to her. "But you didn't. You gotta trust your judgement Ziva. The moment you don't, it won't be almost." With that he turned and walked away.

Ziva stood in doorway thinking about what he said. Finally she looked up and saw Tony standing in the corner. Her bruised eyes met his. "Is he right?"

Tony approached her slowly, well aware of how hyperactive her reflexes still were. Finally he was within a breath of her and his hand came up to cup her cheek. "Rule 10 Zi. It wasn't easy for me either, but the job is done and you have to let this go." He kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her nose and rested his head on hers. "You have the best instincts of anyone I've ever met. You've got crazy mad skills I could never even hope to match and a confidence in your abilities that always amazes me. You can trust your judgement Ziva, but if you can't believe that right now, trust mine and I'll believe for you." He wrapped her in his arms. "I just want to help."

She nodded into his shoulder and her arms came around his waist. "I know," she whispered, letting the steady beat of his heart become her grounding point.

They didn't say much else and after a long time Tony led his wife to the car and took her home. Maybe things would look brighter in the morning.

**NCIS**

When Tony said he wanted to help, taking Ziva back to see the crime scene in the morning wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind. He was glad to see her wearing something different today, even if she still looked run over, and because she asked he agreed to be her escort, watching as she walked slowly inside the building. He slipped his hands in his pockets. "What went wrong?"

Ziva looked around, reliving the struggle through flashes of memory. "I waited too long. I should have moved faster, but there was nowhere left to go. I pushed him off me, crawled, grabbed the gun. I rolled over and...there he was."

"And you shot him," Tony reminded her calmly when the fear in her eyes didn't seem so sure.

She nodded slowly. "I shot him. But it should have happened sooner."

He risked getting closer and settled his hands on her shoulders. "But you were undercover and didn't have your gun. You had no choice Zi."

Instinctively her hand sought the reassurance of the Sig holstered at her hip and she closed her eyes. "I do not like feeling helpless." Her gaze landed on him finally and her fingers curled into his shirt. "There was a moment I thought I was going to die, that this was it and I would never see you again or say 'I love you' or wake up beside you."

Tony gathered her close and tried not to think of a life without her. "But you didn't honey. You're alive and you're here and you have to let it go."

Ziva traced his lips gently and kissed him, then hid her face in his chest while Tony held her, wishing he never had to let go again.

**NCIS**

They talked that night, really talked for the first time in days, sitting on the couch facing each other with mugs of hot coffee and tea cradled in their hands. The TV was left off, the world locked out, and cell phones set on vibrate while the couple reconnected with the words that were sometimes very necessary. Slowly spoken conversation gave way to tender touches - fingers slid up arms and woven into hair, lips meeting more than just occasionally, hands resting on hips and chests and arms wound around each other in an attempt to breach the loneliness of four days spent too far apart. In the end Tony and Ziva didn't bother with bed, but fell asleep laying on the couch, her back pressed against his chest, his arm draped over her waist in a gesture both possessive and protective. It was the first peaceful sleep Ziva enjoyed since the day this nightmare began.

Tony couldn't begin to describe how light his heart felt the next morning when Ziva came out of the bathroom showered, in fresh clothes, with her hair pulled back and make up done, looking normal and at ease with herself finally. He helped her that day as she searched for Michael's girlfriend, and waited outside the bar while she gave him the folded paper containing Devon's number. Ziva joined him again and they watched through the glass while Michael pulled out his cell and dialed, then walked away hand in hand, smiling. There was no better way to battle demons than to do a little bit of good and have someone to love. For Ziva that truth had never been more apparent than right now, tonight, with a good deed done and Tony by her side. He was her reason to keep fighting.

_Sarah - you're welcome :) lol, I'm glad you liked T&Z trying to keep in touch. I think it's kind of cute how they don't like to be apart, but you're right about this being the calm before the storm. I'm glad to have already written their separation and return because it wasn't much fun, currently I'm struggling through how Legend through Truth or Consequences is going to play out. I liked Z's confession too, it's good to get an idea of how far she's come. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	13. 5x18 Judgement Day Part 1

_A/N: Hey guys! Here's Judgement Day Part 1. I know it's a little short but Part 2 goes up tomorrow and it's longer. Hope you enjoy the way I saw things. Thanks for sticking with me! ~Aliyah :)_

Tony stepped out of the hotel and took a deep breath of warm California air, grinning at the sun on his face. "This is the life." He pulled the camera out of his pocket and sauntered towards where Ziva lay.

She didn't look up. "You are googling."

He gave up trying to get her to say that one right and instead joined in. "I'm googling you, be flattered. That bikini is smokin'." Tony leaned over and rolled his eyes at her chosen activity. "A book, how McGeeish of you."

Ziva frowned. "You are in my sun."

Tony slid his hand slowly up her leg. "You'll thank me later. Come on, let's go."

She savoured his touch and disappointment coloured her voice. "We cannot go anywhere." Though if he offered to take her back upstairs, she would have a harder time finding a reason to say no.

His eyebrows rose. "The Director gave us the day off."

Ziva closed her book. "Yes, but she can just as easily change her mind. We need to stay close in case."

Tony held up his cell. "We have phones Zi. If she needs to get in touch, she'll call."

That piqued her interest. "What do you have in mind?"

He tipped his sunglasses down. "A cruise down Sunset Boulevard, _Against All Odds_, Jeff Bridges, Jimmy Woods."

"You do not have a car Tony," Ziva felt compelled to point out.

His wicked grin was nowhere near reassuring as he held out a hand to help her up. She draped the cover up over her shoulders and in the elevator Tony backed his wife into the corner and kissed her, his hands roaming the soft, warm planes of her body. Ziva smirked and pushed him back when the doors slid open, walking ahead of him to their room. As soon as she shed the cover up, Tony swung her into his arms, causing Ziva to shriek in surprise before placing her palms on his face and kissing him with a delighted smile.

"I thought we were going for a drive."

He hugged her tighter, seeking her lips longer this time. "Who said it had to be right away?"

His mouth moved to her throat and Ziva leaned her head back, then opened one eyes and considered him. "Put me down. I am too heavy for you to hold this way."

Tony snorted. "Heavy is an inaccurate description. And I kinda like surprising you."

She slid her fingers into his hair. "There are times I like to be surprised."

Reluctantly Tony lowered her to the floor when his arms grew tired and lay back on the bed. Ziva draped herself over him and for awhile the couple rested in the peace of each other's presence. Finally Ziva sat up and reached for a pair of capris and a green t-shirt. Tony followed and drew his fingers through her hair. "It's a shame to cover up the bikini."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "I am getting changed."

He sighed dramatically. "Fine, ruin all my fun."

She peeked around the bathroom door. "I believe you will get your fill of 'fun' later."

Tony propped himself up on his elbow and grinned. "Is that so? Well then carry on."

Ziva met him at the door to their room minutes later and followed Tony outside where a red mustang pulled up to meet them. He hurried around to the driver's side as gleefullly as a little boy. "Zero to sixty in five-point-two seconds."

She let herself in. "First movie quote I hear, I am driving."

That gave him a pause. "For the safety of LA's roads I'll try to restrain myself."

Ziva punched him in the arm and settled back to enjoy the ride.

**NCIS**

Of course, being stuck in traffic wasn't exactly how Tony had pictured this particular scenario playing out, though with Ziva holding his hand and her hair blowing in the warm breeze, he hardly had a reason to complain. After half an hour however, Ziva shook her head. "I do not like this, something feels off."

He moved forward a couple feet. "Yeah, I think it's the transmission. But you have to admit, it's a great car."

"No, the director. We are her escorts Tony, we are supposed to be escorting her."

Tony raised an eyebrow at his wife. "She might not be alone." At her look he held up his hands. "What? Even she has needs Ziva. I'm just suggesting that calling and interrupting may not be your best bet."

She ignored him and took his phone. Despite Tony's distractions and Ziva's insistence, Jenny completely blew them off and hung up. Tony scratched his chin. "I think I was right."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Just because she is with a man does not mean she is sleeping with him." She sighed. "Jenny is hiding something from us."

Tony shrugged. "Maybe it's none of our business."

It was time for tactics to change. "I will allow movie quotes if you do me one favour."

That got his attention fast. "Name it."

Ziva handed his phone back. "Call the LAPD, tell them you are conducting a local investigation, and ask them to track the GPS location of the director's rental car."

Tony rubbed his forehead. "Is that all?"

"It would make me feel better to know where she is."

Caught between wife and boss Tony knew he was fighting a losing battle, so he made the call and soon they were on their way to Santa Monica pier. The director's car was easy enough to find, but Ziva wasn't done with the questions. "What is she doing here?"

Tony scanned the hotels and decided it was in his best interest not to mention what he thought the director was doing. A police cruiser caught their attention and he parked beside it, sighing. "This is not good." He showed his badge and got them into the crime scene where they both recognized the girl from the funeral.

Quickly steering Ziva away before she could say anything incriminating when she started thinking out loud, Tony led her back up the stairs. "Leave the director out of this."

She pointed. "Her car is right there Tony!"

He brushed her off. "There are fifty cars right there."

Ziva was starting to get exasperated. "I am not providing security for those fifty other cars!"

Tony put his sunglasses back on. "The girl's been dead for two hours. We talked to the director twenty minutes ago and she said everything was fine. It's probably just a coincidence."

She crossed her arms. "You do not really believe that, do you?"

"No," he sighed, "Rule 39."

"We have to call her."

"Oh yeah, because that went so well last time," Tony pointed out, but Ziva wasn't in a listening mood.

She dialed the number, informed Jenny of the situation and demanded her location. Jenny dressed Ziva down for her tone, told them in no uncertain times that she would meet them for the flight later, and then the line went dead. Ziva had to restrain herself from throwing the phone. "The director is lying, she is not fine."

Tony rubbed his neck. "Why would she lie?"

"Maybe she was forced," Ziva offered.

"Did she use the duress word?"

"No." Ziva leaned against the car.

"Well, there you go." He tried to smile. "If someone had a gun to her head, she'd use the duress word."

She stared at him, propping her hands on the doorframe. "Tony, there is something going on. How can you not-" Ziva paused and scrutinized his expression. "You do see it, you just do not want to get involved."

Tony shook his head and got in. "Ziva, she doesn't want us involved. If there's one thing I've learned about the director's private wars it's that staying away is the best option for all of us. She's a big girl, she can take care of herself. Besides-"

"We should call Gibbs," Ziva interrupted, joining him.

He turned the car on. "But we're not going to."

"He would want us to," she insisted, turning the car off.

"Would he?" Tony was ready to be done with chasing ghosts and flipped the engine on.

"Of course! They were partners. If the director was in trouble he-"

"You do not know she'd in trouble!" He shut the car off. "Okay, I'll give you that one. But," the car roared to life again, "you want to be the one to tell Gibbs we let the director our of our sight?"

Ziva considered his logic. "Good point." She reached over and turned the key. "But it is a risk we have to take."

"Or," Tony picked up his phone, "we compromise and make McGee do our dirty work for us." He lifted an eyebrow. "What you got on him?"

Within seconds McGee found them a location on the director and Ziva turned the car on when Tony hung up. His expression was grim. "This is not a good idea."

She touched his arm. "Humour me."

**NCIS**

Two hours later she was beginning to agree with him. But the sense that something was very wrong only grew as more time passed. Ziva was reminded of Cairo, which only heightened her anxiety. They both had nearly died in that incident, but Tony didn't need to hear about that now. She took her feelings out on her husband when he pulled into a middle of nowhere gas station and her grumbling didn't help his already disintegrating mood.

"We could have made it."

Tony killed the engine and gestured to the dash. "The needle is below Empty. E stands for Empty. We have less than Empty. And we don't know where 'it' is."

She shook her head. "My car will go thirty miles when the needle is at E. We could have made it."

He got out and slammed the door. "Get us a map and something to eat. McGPS gives lousy directions."

His tone bothered her and Ziva decided to be the one to remember they were angry at the situation, not each other. She opened her mouth to say something but changed her mind. Perhaps a few minutes alone, even if he was on the phone with Tim, would give Tony the chance to shake off some of the frustration. Ziva was waiting in the car when he came back from paying and silently handed him a small paper sack holding the mini powdered donuts she knew he liked.

Tony took them and sighed. "Sorry Zi, nothing about this day is right."

She laced their fingers together. "I know. We need to go Tony, the director is in trouble."

He scanned the map, pulled up the coordinates McGee sent to his phone and got back on the road, the knots in his stomach agreeing with Ziva's grim prediction.

**NCIS**

When Tony and Ziva finally arrived at the diner, the hair on both their necks stood up and they quickly slid their weapons into place. "I have seen that SUV before."

"Gas station," Tony remembered. It had pulled out just as they were arriving. If they hadn't stopped for gas... He shook his head as they approached the building, needing his thoughts clear. Seeing the bullet holes and broken windows, the partners got into position and swooped in the door with guns drawn to cover each other, clearing the place and starting to do an inventory of the dead.

The last body she came across slowed Ziva's steps to a halt. She swallowed and the hand holding her gun fell limply by her side. "Tony."

He could hear the change in her voice and walked over, a bloody arm and the reflection of a face his first sights. Looking at his wife, he slowly bent down and checked for a pulse but found none. "Oh Jenny," he whispered. Her phone rang and Tony picked it up and stood, showing Ziva the caller ID before answering.

All they could hear was Gibbs' voice. "Jen? Jenny, you there?"

_Replies:_

_Guest (MIT16) - I'm glad to hear that. I had to tweak a few things that happened because of their relationship, to make it more real. Thanks. I kinda like the life they've built together. That's nice of you to say, unfortunately we've got some of the hard stuff coming up next. Thanks for reviewing! :)_

_Sarah - you're welcome. Thanks. That's a good point, and I'm glad T was there to pull her back from the brink, so to speak. I like the emotions you pulled out, I'm glad those came across. The despair was a bit of an overriding theme in the ep. I'm glad you liked that view from inside Z's head, not a nice place to be right then. haha...and Tony finally getting to play the jealous husband for real. I wasn't a huge fan of Michael either, so T getting his say was fun. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


	14. 5x19 Judgement Day Part 2

_A/N: Okay guys, here it is, the last chapter of MIT Part 2. Keep an eye out for the first chapter of Part 3 to go up Thurs, it will be labeled the same as the others - __**Moments In Time - Part 3, Season 6**__. I don't know what else to say except hold onto your hats, it's going to be a crazy ride. Thanks again for all the support and loyalty and comments. You guys are fabulous and I'm so thrilled to have you on this journey with me :) ~ Much love, Aliyah_

Tony hung up the phone, then turned and hurled it against the wall where it fell to the floor and broke into three pieces. He cursed loudly. "We should have been here!" He turned and marched back outside. "We should have been here."

Ziva closed her eyes and slowly sank to her knees, whispering a Hebrew prayer over her friend's dead body. Her fingers smoothed gently over the woman's red hair and she swallowed. "I am so sorry Jenny, we tried."

She stood and slowly picked her way through the carnage to go find her husband. Tony was leaning over the side of the car. "We were too late." Ziva placed herself next to him and her hand came to rest on his back, but Tony pushed away from her, walking to the back of the car and kicking the tire viciously. "She's dead Ziva. We were too late." He slid to the ground. "What are we going to tell Gibbs?"

Still feeling out how to approach him since this behaviour was very uncharacteristic, Ziva lowered herself beside him and leaned back against the door. "If only she had let us help her, perhaps-"

"Perhaps nothing," he spat. "Stupid frigging redhead, always had to do things her way, could never let others help unless they got run over in the process." He dropped his head into his hands. "We could lose everything because of this. They could take our badges, our jobs..." Tony turned to her, tears and fear filling his eyes. "I don't know how to get us outta this one Zi. I don't see a way out and she's..." He blew out a breath. "She and Gibbs were partners. If anyone ever told me that you-"

Ziva's finger over his lips stifled the words. "No. Do not go there Tony or it will drive you crazy. We must...we must stay positive." She folded her hands together and leaned her forehead on them. "Do you think he will even give us a chance to speak?"

"I'll be lucky if he doesn't pull out his gun and shoot me where I stand," Tony predicted. "Didn't even bring my vest."

Yes, Ziva thought, their vests were at the hotel room and the happy moments they'd spent there this morning only a fading memory now. She nudged his knee with hers. "We are together Tony. That must count for something, yes?"

He took her hand and squeezed tightly but didn't say another word. They'd screwed up big time. Nothing could ever fix what they hadn't been in time to stop.

**NCIS**

The partners spent a chilly, uncomfortable night curled up together in the back seat of the Mustang with the top up. They had brought nothing but the summer clothes on their backs and the desert was a cold place after the sun went down. Tony and Ziva had no intentions of staying in the diner with all the bodies and chose the lesser of two evils. Neither slept very much and even lying in each other's arms was a small comfort this time.

Morning came early and though they hadn't eaten since noon the day before, complaining about being hungry was not a high priority. Assistant Director Leon Vance arrived at six am with an envoy of black, bullet resistant vehicles and gave them both hard looks before pointing out two backpacks and crime scene kits and telling them to get to work. They did, without question, though as they were zipping up the first black bag Tony wondered what kind of lecture Ducky would give them for moving the bodies without an ME present.

Once the deceased were all accounted for they were loaded into the van that arrived for transportation back to DC. Pictures were taken earlier and more were taken now, the partners doing their best to be as thorough as possible, but knowing it wouldn't make writing this incident report any easier. Gibbs showed up just as they were bringing out the final boxes of documents. Tony stared at the team leader, but Ziva couldn't seem to keep eye contact with him, knowing what it was he had lost.

After a tour of the diner they came back outside and Gibbs faced them. "Whaddaya got?"

Ziva swallowed. "I am sorry Gibbs. We are sorry."

He wasn't in the mood. "Whaddaya got?"

Tony sighed. "Not a lot. Tire tracks are from a second vehicle. We're working on it." His gaze drifted to the road. "We shoulda tailed her. Ziva...Ziva wanted to tail her." Husband and wife exchanged glances and she could see how deeply he was suffering. She ached to be able to help in some way but her own heart was so heavy, Jenny had been her friend long before she was their boss.

Gibbs did nothing to alleviate their guilt. "Yeah, why didn't you?"

At that Ziva rose up in Tony's defense. "We were given an order."

"Uh-huh." He was entirely unsympathetic, not that she blamed him. They deserved whatever they got. "And you followed it."

She nodded once, hands clasped in front of her. "And now Jenny is dead."

It did not surprise Ziva that Tony tried to take all the responsibility for what had happened, nor Tony when Ziva attempted to make Gibbs see that they had only done as they were told, but it didn't change anything.

A brief conversation with Vance made Gibbs even more irate than before, except it was a quiet, controlled rage. When he finished Tony nodded in assent. "It's a cover-up. Understood."

They watched in shock as Vance ordered Gibbs to stay and oversee his investigation. "I expect a call when you're finished."

Gibbs barely waited until the man was out of earshot before motioning to Tony. "DiNozzo."

He was at attention immediately. "Yeah Boss?"

"Oversee his investigation." They watched Leon drive away. "And then call me."

Ziva watched Tony fiddle with his watch to avoid looking in the man's eyes. As soon as he was gone, Tony called McGee about the tire tracks while she packed up their things. He was very short with the probie but couldn't help it. People always got hurt because of him. It was amazing Ziva was still in one piece after more than a year with a disaster like him just waiting to happen. The answer didn't help them out much and at that point McGee and Abby were left to do the behind the scenes stuff.

Ziva put their backpacks in the car and looked at him. He felt her gaze. "What?"

"It is not McGee's fault Tony."

"No," he said testily, "it's not."

Her tone softened. "It is not your fault either."

He didn't bother to tell her that he'd heard those kind of lies before and he hadn't believed them last time either.

Tony and Ziva returned to their hotel in LA and cleared out what they'd brought so they were prepared to head to the airport early in the morning. McGee had booked the first flight that was available for their return trip, but it could've taken them days and Tony still wouldn't've been ready to go back. How they were going to face their team, their colleagues, everyone, was a question he didn't yet know how to answer. He only hoped that by the time they walked in the building he'd have some idea of what to say to all the faces wondering how they could have let this happen..

**NCIS**

Ziva sat on the plane to DC from LA, watching the man she loved slowly bury himself beneath a mountain of undeserved guilt. He'd grown more and more withdrawn as the hours passed, and now Ziva could not remember the last time Tony had looked her in the eyes or allowed her touch for more than a few seconds. Angling her body towards him, Ziva placed her hand on top of his. Tony tried to pull away, but she held on. "No," Ziva told her husband in a low voice, "do not push me away. Look at me Tony, please." But he wouldn't, so she used two fingers to gently turn his face and ducked her head a little, finding his eyes. "This was not your fault."

His gaze was dark and heavy, full of guilt and self loathing. "I'm Senior Field Agent. I was on protection detail. I failed to protect Director Shepard and now she's dead. My fault."

Ziva shook her head, willing him to believe her words. "This was not a team assignment, there was no seniority. We," she gestured to the two of them, "were on protection detail. If you blame yourself, you must blame me also."

His expression became pained. "Zi..." He sighed. "I should have listened to you. You wanted to find the director, you knew something was wrong. I trust your instincts, but I wanted to take the time off. I wanted to be alone with you somewhere no one's eyes would be on us and we didn't have to be careful for once. I cared more about that than my responsibilities as an agent." Tony dropped his head into his hands. "Men are supposed to listen to their wives. Wives are always right, isn't that what people say? Why didn't I listen?"

Ziva moved the armrest between them and slipped her arms around her husband. He gripped her body tightly against him as if he was drowning and she was his life preserver. Ziva rubbed his back and slid her fingers through his hair, finally pulling away enough to brush her lips over his forehead. Tony's hands came up to frame her face and he kissed her deeply. For several long moments the couple let themselves forget about the other people on the plane and the mess they were coming home to, it was just them, kissing and touching and trying to say so much without words. Finally Ziva pushed Tony away gently, conveying with her eyes that further comfort would have to wait until they were alone behind closed doors.

The plane landed and they became only partners again, hiding their love and their marriage behind carefully constructed walls, just as they had all year. Ziva's heart ached for her husband as she watched his slow destruction in the bullpen, the way he went after McGee's simple statement that had only been intended to break the awkward heavy silence when they walked in. She thanked McGee for stating flat out that it wasn't Tony's fault, but the man seemed determined not to believe that no matter who said it.

At the earliest opportunity Ziva trapped Tony in the elevator and stood close. The anger simmered off of him and his intensity was starting to worry her. She moved into his space. "You wanted McGee to say what you already think, but Tony, no one is blaming you except you."

He clenched his jaw. "And Gibbs."

Ziva shook her head. "Gibbs is angry and he is hurt. He will make it the fault of everyone until only time shows him the responsibility for her actions lies with Jenny alone. Going without backup was her decision." She smiled slightly. "It was big of you to try and take the blame yesterday, but this is not all on you."

He shrugged. "You tried to tell Gibbs we were following orders, but it doesn't change anything."

"The only orders Gibbs believes in are his own. It is not fair to expect perfection."

Tony grunted. "Yeah, because Boss never makes mistakes and he'd never admit to it if he did."

Ziva leaned in and pressed her lips to his cheek. "We will get through this Tony, I promise."

He sighed. "I'm glad you're here."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and lay her head on his chest. "I do not want to be anywhere else."

**NCIS**

Much later she followed him out of the lab after he snipped at Abby and finally found him sitting in the dark of Autopsy. Tony held up his glass. "Thank God for Ducky."

She perched on the edge of the ME's desk and looked at him searchingly. "You have not listened to anything I have said."

He shrugged and the humour he used as a shield against feelings came back. "Well it's only been three years, I'm a slow learner."

"And a slow healer. You are crying over spilled...milk." Ziva knew it was a horrible comparison as soon as the words were out of her mouth, but she needed to snap him out of this headspace.

Tony stared at her harshly. "It's not milk that I spilled."

Ziva shook her head. "Do not do this Tony."

"Don't do what?" he ground out. "Blow my protection detail, blow my undercover assignment?"

Nothing about the assignment had been his choice, but she didn't bother to mention that. "Those sound like apologies."

Tony pulled open the drawer, got out the bottle and slammed it on the desk. She smiled slightly and poured a splash in the glass he set beside her. He was quiet for a moment, staring out at the vacant room. "She died alone."

Ziva shifted closer and her hand slid over to rest on his knee. "You are not alone Tony."

His eyes found hers. "She never got married, never had any children. I never even heard her talk about it."

Ziva's memories flew back in time, to when Director Shepard had just been Agent Jen Shepard, her friend. "She used to talk about dreams, about what would happen once she got to the top. But even when she got there Jen never let herself relax. She stood in her own way of happiness, of having what her heart wanted. Director Shepard got in the way of what Jenny could have had."

"Paris," Tony mused, "that's where it must've happened."

"The two of them alone together," Ziva agreed, following the tangent. "In another world."

"Putting their lives in each other's hands every day."

"Not to mention the long nights," she added, having the strange feeling they were no longer talking about Gibbs and Jenny.

"It was inevitable," Tony stated.

Ziva shook her head. "Nothing is inevitable. We make our own choices, we decide what will make us happy, what to fight for, what to let go of." She set her glass down and knelt before him. "I choose you."

It was no comfort at all when her husband looked at her like he had nothing else to say.

**NCIS**

They were sent home after Vance took charge of the information regarding Franks, and the news report showing the director's brownstone engulfed in flames. It was decent, as a cover story went. No one else would ever know the truth, but that didn't seem to matter much in this case. At the house Ziva offered to make something simple for supper but Tony brushed her off with a, "Thanks, not hungry," before he went for a shower. She paced the length and width of their house more times than she cared to count while waiting for him to get out.

Tony avoided her as much as possible so Ziva gave up for the moment and took her turn under the hot spray. While she was toweling off her hair Tony barged in and kissed her hard. Grateful for any contact after the silence and distance of the past two days, Ziva put up no resistance when he carried her to their bedroom and decided her towel looked much better on the floor. Tonight it was fast and hard and almost painful, but still somehow the greatest comfort they could have found to share.

Afterwards Tony ran his hands gently over her body, frowning as he thought of places there might be bruises tomorrow. Ziva, still able to read his thoughts with a glance, stilled his hands and pressed herself tightly against him, offering the forgiveness he wouldn't allow himself and kissing him tenderly until tears poured down both their faces. They fell asleep only when exhaustion took them, but were up early on the bleak new morning to dress for the funeral. Hardly a word had been spoken but their hands remained joined even as they stood in front of the casket, and that shouted louder of their love and their determination to remain a united front than any words they could have said to each other.

They'd barely arrived back at NCIS before the brand new Director Vance's secretary called Team Gibbs up to his office. There was no preamble, he began the slaughter as soon as the door was shut. "Officer David, the Liaison position with NCIS is being terminated." Ziva glanced to Tony, then Gibbs. Could he really do that? "You're going home."

The look on Tony's face said he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. "McGee, I'm moving you across to the CyberCrimes unit. You'll be working with Officer Holsworth starting next week."

He finally got to Tony. "DiNozzo."

"Sir." His voice was monotone, expecting the worst.

"You've been reassigned. Agent Afloat, USS Ronald Reagan. Pack your bags, you fly out Monday."

Then he turned to Gibbs and handed him three folders. "Agent Gibbs, meet your new team."

And just like that life as they knew it was officially over.

**NCIS**

After Vance's announcement, the disbanded team returned to the bullpen to pack their desks. Tony just threw his things into a box, numb, reeling, and too everything to care. Ziva carefully placed each item in her box, remembering her time at NCIS and mourning the loss of another home. Word traveled fast in the building and Abby soon appeared upstairs with Ducky and Jimmy in tow, raging at the director and Gibbs and anyone else who got in her way. McGee was the one who finally stepped in front of Hurricane Abby and risked taking the brunt of the storm in order to hug her. One touch was all it took for the dam to burst and the Goth didn't say a word as her tears soaked his jacket and she clung to him for dear life while Tim rubbed her back.

Goodbyes were tearful for some and stoic for others, but all felt unbelievably final. Gibbs closed himself off, trying not to care, taking himself to task for getting so attached. He should have learned his lesson about that the last time. Jimmy fumbled his words as usual, Ducky had nuggets of wisdom for each of them, Abby smothered them in hugs and swore on her lab and Bert that they'd be back before the summer ended if she had anything to say about it. Tim and Tony solemnly shook hands, but Tony couldn't even bring himself to meet Gibbs' eyes. He knew he deserved this punishment because he'd screwed up and Jenny was dead.

Ziva received a gentle embrace from McGee and cautioned him not to get sucked into the computers. She initiated a hug with Gibbs and kissed his cheek, pushing past his walls just as he'd gotten through hers. Then the partners left together, not caring if anyone noticed their joined hands. They were waiting for the elevator when Ducky caught up with them. "Anthony, Ziva, a moment if you will."

The couple exchanged glances and followed him to a nearby corner. "What is it?" Ziva asked.

He cleared his throat. "There's something you need to know, about Jennifer."

Tony's hand tightened on Ziva's. "She's dead and it's my fault. What else is there to say?"

Ducky shook his head. "There is a reason Jennifer did what she did. She was dying. The disease is slow and painful and she was not willing to wait and go out that way. Instead she paid a debt to an old friend and was killed in the line of duty. I think she always missed being an agent. By sending the two of you away, she was able to die on her own terms." He sighed. "She didn't say goodbye and I can't say I approve of her choice since so many are left hurt. But please know that there was nothing you could have done." The older man placed a hand on each of their shoulders. "Be safe and come back to us. Jethro may never admit it, but he needs you here."

Tony rubbed his face and watched the doctor go, then Ziva guided him over to the elevator. Once inside, she flicked the switch and embraced her husband. "It was not your fault."

He rested his forehead on hers. "Still feels like it." Even though Gibbs had said otherwise, Tony just didn't know how to believe it, and he wasn't entirely convinced the man meant his words either.

She stared into his troubled green eyes. "Let it go, please. I do not want this guilt to take away the man I love."

Tony sagged into the corner and captured her lips for a long moment. He broke away, feeling tears on Ziva's cheeks. "Zi?"

She shook her head, trying to wipe the wetness away. "I am sorry."

He held her gaze. "What's wrong?"

Ziva sighed. "Jen was...my friend. A mentor when I needed one. I will miss her."

Tony surrounded Ziva's body with his arms and held her tightly, brushing his lips over her temple. "I know honey, it sucks. Jenny and I didn't have a great relationship after the undercover fiasco, but I respected her for the most part and she was good at her job." He worked his fingers into her hair. "I shouldn't have to lose you too."

Ziva buried her face in Tony's chest and drew a breath. "Not here. I want to go home."

The drive to their cozy little house seemed to take a lifetime. Once inside, Ziva headed for their room to change and Tony followed her, needing more than just to talk. The black dress fell to the floor, leaving Ziva in lacy black lingerie and Tony slid his arms around her, kissing her shoulder. "Zi?"

She could hear it in his voice and turned to link her fingers behind his neck. In her husband she could read a desire to be close to her and how essential it was right now for him to feel wrapped in her love when he was so lonely and broken inside. And on this one of their last nights together, Ziva had absolutely no intention of denying him her body. Their lips met and the kiss started gentle but quickly reached the intensity of their first undercover assignment. Before she knew it Tony was pressing her into the bed, his mouth hungry on hers but soon breaking away to drag his lips down her throat and pepper her torso with tiny kisses.

Ziva's hands were busy loosening his tie and doing away with his shirt. Stepping back from her only to finish getting undressed, Tony returned to the much more enjoyable task of ridding his wife of the last pieces of clothing that kept him from her. As soon as their bodies joined, the atmosphere changed. Where their making out had been rather frantic, the couple made love slowly, sadness and regret tinging their time together. Both eventually found release in each other, but even then neither Tony or Ziva made any effort to get farther apart or sever the connection they shared.

After a time Tony finally moved off of his wife, feeling like he was crushing her beneath his weight, but he stayed by her side, not able to bear any distance between them when they had such a short time left. Ziva kissed his chest and snuggled further into her husband's embrace. Tony held her tightly, trembling with the emotion. "Two years wasn't long enough," he whispered hoarsely. "Ziva, I wanted you for a lifetime."

She pulled back to look at him, her fingers tracing each contour of his familiar face. "And you shall have me ahava, I promise. My vows to you have not changed, but we must weather this storm first."

Tony closed his eyes, his expression pained. "But what if...you're going back to Israel, to your family and friends, what if someone there is..." he trailed off, but she understood and kissed him softly.

"Listen to me Tony - I love you. I am your wife. You are my husband, my family, my best friend. No one, nothing, and no distance or length of time will ever change that. Please, believe me."

His lips sought hers, desiring the comfort only she could provide, the one person who knew him better than anyone else. "Don't go back Zi," he pleaded. "You're married to an American citizen, you could stay. I want you to stay."

Ziva frowned and shook her head. They'd been over this ground before. "What is left for me here if you are gone? There is no ship that needs two agents afloat, and they would not assign us together even if it was possible. Besides, I am not an agent." She put her hand over his heart. "I am still Mossad Tony. So I will go and spend a few months in an old skin. But I will come back, as soon as Gibbs gives me that chance." She closed her eyes. "Even now I cannot think of being apart from you for so long. You have been here almost every day since we said 'I do' and before too. What will I do without you?"

He smoothed her hair back. "I'm sorry I took so much for granted. I thought we had forever, that you'd be here every time I turned around. And now I need you, my partner, my wife, my best friend, and they're taking you away."

His tears dripped onto her skin and Ziva's heart broke. "You have me now Tony. Promise you will not let go, even when we have to say goodbye."

He covered her lips with his, smothering any other words. For the next two days he would keep her as close as he could.

**NCIS**

Forty-eight hours had never flown so fast. The couple spent as much time in bed as possible, wrapped in the safety and comfort of each other's arms, savouring every second because they were counting down at a rapid pace. But eventually details got in the way and they began to resign themselves to the inevitable. Ziva packed one suitcase and a backpack to take with her, wanting to prove to her father that America had not changed her. She gave Tony her rings and asked him to hold onto them for her, promising that she would be back to wear them again. It broke her heart to leave everything that spoke of them behind, even the little heart shaped lock, but no suspicions could be raised. The only thing she had was the engraving that had been added to the back of her Star of David - _I will love you forever, TD. _But because she never took it off, that was safe.

Tony had the luxury of taking many mementos of their marriage with him - the recent bikini photos from LA, a small plastic album documenting their relationship one month at a time, her rings and his, and all the love letters she'd ever written him, including one he wasn't to open until his first night on board. With Tim's help they separately arranged for their paychecks to be deposited into accounts at the same bank, but had him cover the trail so no one would be able to trace them and thus discover their secret. Then the couple went in and created a joint account the money would flow into. That way their bills, already all set on automatic withdrawal, would still be paid and no one could figure it out the connection. They closed up their house, put services on hold, and made sure everything would be fine for several months without occupants, preparing for the worst case scenario.

Since Tony left first, Ziva took her husband to the base and, out of sight of any prying eyes, hugged him like she would never let go and kissed him as if she might never see him again. Tony clung to his wife and fit his lips between and over hers one last time. It physically hurt to step away, but he did anyways and touched her cheek gently. "I love you Ziva David-DiNozzo. No matter what happens, don't ever forget."

She clasped her necklace and nodded bravely. "I love you. Remember Tony, that you saved me. Do not give up hope." He did his best impression of a smile and trudged away, looking like a man on his way to the guillotine. He'd thought Jenny dying was bad, this was a thousand times worse.

Ziva's flight left only hours later and she curled up in the back row of first class and cried herself to sleep, then woke before landing to prepare herself to be Mossad again. For the next few months her old life did not exist. But Ziva had tasted happiness and real love and her heart would not be able to forget.

_Sarah - you're welcome. Thanks, I'm glad you liked my little tweaks. I wish I could've made it longer but that's as good as it got. I considered just combining the eps, but Part 2 is long enough to stand on its own. Ah, I'm sure it's easier if you don't get attached. Jenny and Gibbs were actually my first ship, so I was totally bummed when she died, I really liked her. But life goes on. Z will try to help T with the guilt, but the whole being separated thing is going to mess with her ability to do so. Thanks for reviewing! :)_


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